This book is a pretty good start.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
I'm really sorry to hear that stuff is still so rough. A few thoughts:
Note: If you are here from the /r/bestof thread, which devolved into a lot of slander, please know that I am a genuine guy who would do what I can to help any of you become better men/people and feel better in your relationships with women and others. That's the point of this post and what I assumed we are all here for.
This is actually a great disarming tactic. Someone said further down in the thread that he ended up flattering the guy about his glasses. All bi jokes aside, everyone loves to be validated, and especially those pseudo-alpha male guys with tons of insecurities that are the most susceptible to this animalistic, territory-control behavior. I toss out a compliment if they have on a cool shirt, ask them where they got it, so on and so forth. I'll include them on a round of shots. We all become friends. By the end of what was their initial approach to talk to my girlfriend, they are saying what a cool dude I am and gifting drinks to us. Everyone is happy.
My girlfriend is objectively attractive as a petite blonde with some sizable warlocks [EDIT: this is from the movie Superbad] that draw a lot of primal grunts and attention. If she asks me if something shes wearing is too risque (due to said warlocks), I reaffirm her to go for it. I want her to feel comfortable with herself and express her sexuality however she deems fit for her. I love watching other dudes try and pick her up and I don't interfere with confidence. She can handle herself, and I can handle myself. I always tell her, if she goes home with him, I will 100% give him all the cash in my wallet and the keys to my car [EDIT: this is a running joke between us and not serious]. I am secure with myself and in our relationship. Today, I still have all of my money, drive the same car, and we fuck.
Comparing yourself to and concerning yourself with what others are doing is always a road to failure.
This situation arose two weekends ago when my girlfriend and I went out for my ex's birthday. What would be a weird situation on paper ended up fairly advantageous for me. I personally think my current SO is hotter than my ex, but they are both successful, attractive women, as well as my ex's cousin who is of equal measure (and married). The women were all sitting at the bar together and I was standing behind them across the walkway talking to someone else.
A gang of bros rolls in and sees them all sitting at the bar. Pack mentality kicks in. The hunt is on. You guys know what that looks like, I'm sure. The routine "order a drink next to the girls and use that as leverage to talk to them" show was performed to no applause, but it worked. While they were busy assessing the situation, I finished up my conversation and rolled over. I said, "lets do birthday shots", and "do you dudes want to do shots with us too?" I don't say anything gut-reaction stupid like "hey these are MY WOMEN" (they aren't anyone's property) or "this is MY GIRLFRIEND". It was simple communication through action.
No gang of bros turns down shots. We all cheersed. I told one guy he looks like someone I see at the gym as we set down our glasses. We find out that we live a street away from each other. He introduces me to all of his friends. 30 minutes later, the whole gang of bros are now my friends, and bought several more rounds of shots even after it was leaked that I am dating one of the three and have dated two of the three. I overheard one say "oh, the one there is his girlfriend but he's super cool". Which, had I went in saying one of the aforementioned stupid lines like some jerkoff bulldog, his assessment of me would have been completely different.
I still see the one guy at the gym and now I have more friends, and again, am still fucking. Not all women are going to like you, but for the ones that do, be the best choice in the group because you are the best version of you, and you make others feel like they are the best version of them. No insecure, possessive chode horseshit needed after that point. It's magic.
Second Edit: Resources
Since this caught fire, some people have asked for resources on self-improvement. A few quick suggestions:
Check out the book Models by Mark Manson. He discusses this in depth.
I also didn't like Mark Manson's TSAONGAF, but his previous book, Models: How to attract women through honesty, was a life changer. I mean, I'm still trying to implement the principles into my life but it already started to change my life for the better. It's not just for the single guys btw, any man who wants to be attractive should read this book.
>These two things are related. Go and lift even if you have to drop weight to do so... just get out and lift something.
Roger. Did just so an hour ago. Feel much better already.
> You had a bad couple of weeks. So what? Just get back to it. Look at the bright side - you're probably still 10x better than before finding MRP.
Thanks. Something something forest for the trees. Right on brother.
> Yeah it takes work to be the Captain especially in your situation with your wife's mental issues. Just keep at it.
Pretty sure a Captain doesn't cut it with this woman and her mental issues. She requires a Fleet Admiral. Only makes me stronger.
> Wow, our lives go in a parallel here regarding no PIV for weeks.
How are you dealing with it both physically and mentally, if you don't mind me asking? Might help me.
> Outside of Game and Day Game, what other are good books for this?
I have heard good things about Models by Mark Manson. It's on my audible list to listen to. I like the idea of honesty in this book.
Read the book "Models" It is a phenomenal book, providing dating advice.
It is completely different than anyother I have ever read
(Personally I got the audiobook)
Edit Here is a link:
I recommend you read "How to attract women through honesty" by Mark Manson.
It mostly talks about self confidence and vulnerability. It will definitely change your life.
I really hope you do read it. It changed my life and I hope it changes yours too. :)
PM me any questions if you have any.
I would recommend the book Models, you can get it on amazon/kindle.
You're putting a ton of value regarding your self-worth on the responses you're getting from other people. Confidence is the most fundamental factor when it comes to social and it's impossible to maintain when your self-worth is tied to something that fluctuates and changes from person to person and situation to situation. This makes you needy and prevents you from being someone who provides value.
Ok let's try and figure out what that girl did. She sounds like someone who doesn't base her self-worth on other people. She can enter groups with confidence because she isn't concerned with being rejected, and she probably introduced herself and gave people conversation threads for people to pull on. How often do you share your experiences, and perspectives in conversation?
> Should I just act inconviently and hope for the best, not worrying about denial because one of the interactions might work?
This might be the crux of your issue, that you think what she's doing is acting 'inconveniently for others'. Sure messing up the bathroom was a trashy, but her going to a party (where she was the +1 of the person who was invited) and providing value to people in conversation by sharing her story, perspective, and experience is not inconveniencing others.
Careful about doing the whole 'swing to extremes' thing. Let's talk about people who are assholes for a second. They're loud, they're obnoxious, they're not considerate, they seem narcissistic and rude. But for some reason people hang around them. Some people will see this and think 'Ok I guess I have to be an asshole in order to be liked socially', but that's a naive and simplistic perspective. The reason why assholes somehow manage to do well socially is because they exhibit traits that are a convenient byproduct of their toxic mentality. Because they don't place their self-worth in the hands of other people and believe in their own inherent self-worth they're able to do a few things. They provide value to other people in the way of content (perspectives, and experiences, notice a theme?), and are able to plow through the fear of rejection. Arrogant people believe they can't fail, confident people believe they will be ok in the face of failure. There is a very distinct difference between believing in the inherent value of your self-worth and behaving like an ass-hat inconveniencing everyone.
Recognize when your behavior stems from neediness or narcissism. You're upset when your friend gets complimented and you don't get the same attention, that's both of those. These two things are the things preventing any social success. I think the first few chapters discussing neediness are invaluable. It's worth a read even if you don't care about the "Attraction" parts, the social ideas apply to everything.
Well, one way is to do it in baby steps, slowly exposing yourself to things that cause you anxiety. I can recommend Mark Manson's courses which rely on CBT (which has been proven clinically and used by psychologists) and his book Models . Compared to most of the published PUA literature, Mark is intelligent, insightful and his analysis is spot-on.
You can also try reading The Book of Pook (which is free), although it's long-ish and sometimes unclear, it basically echoes a lot of what Manson talks about -- about how changing your mindset and behavior will lead to less anxiety and more success with women (and other people in general).
You can try Models by Mark Manson. Or possibly No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
I've read the former and it's pretty much TRP self-improvement advice without the misogyny. I haven't read the latter but I think it's the same.
Mark Manson also wrote a really good book about masculinity: Model s
Honest evaluation: You have average looks. Not particularly handsome, but not bad either. I wouldn't have guessed you have Asperger's based on this picture alone. Reading behind the lines of your text and what you said it sounds like the actual issue is with your lack of self-esteem and lack of social acuity (which is, understanding social dynamics between people and how dating works).
One thing that people don't often know is that in attraction what are considered as primary attractive qualities between men and women are dimorphic. To put it very bluntly and simplifying the issue, men are primarly attracted to looks and women are primarly attracted to confidence and social status. Looks do also matter for women, but in lesser extent. There are variations and individual differences in all sorts of attractive qualities so the issue is rather more complex than that, but that is a good rule of thumb in general.
I would recommend finding ways to improve your self-esteem and becoming more confident in the way you carry yourself. It would be also beneficial for you to read about dating. When you have Asperger's, you don't often understand the sublities behind social behaviour. There are a lot of sublities and counter-intuitive psychology involved in dating and these are not apparent even to many of those who don't have Asperger's. Personally I'd recommend book called "Models" that is in my opinion one of the best (if not the best) book I've read on this subject. "Art of Seduction" also explains a lot of things more about attraction (including the reason why women become unattracted after they know that you attracted to them). You can probably find them as free online PDFs if you try.
If you're a straight guy, dating apps and websites are tough as most of them have way more men on them, and men are usually much more active on them than women. For this reason I'd suggest making more of an effort to meet people in person, network and make friends. Online dating is fine as a supplement but shouldn't be your main method as it's just not effective for a lot of guys and the numbers are stacked against you.
Try local singles meet ups, speed dating events, and/or ask friends to set you up with anyone who might be suitable. If you go to meet ups that aren't for the purpose of dating, don't just zero in on the most attractive woman (or only the young single women) in the room though - that makes you look dodgy. Make sure you participate in the event and talk to a wide range of people regardless of gender, age and attractiveness. Besides, you never know which person could introduce you to your future partner. It could be the person you least expect!
Another thing you can do is get a friend or stylist to help you improve your grooming and fashion choices, to ensure you dress and present yourself in the most attractive way possible. A lot of men are terrible at this so if you make any effort at all in this area, you will probably stand out in a good way. If you can afford it, a good therapist or dating coach can also help you work through any blind spots and areas where you self-sabotage in dating.
I'd also recommend checking out this book: Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
First read The Game
Then read Models
Start there and don't come back here until you've finished.
To anyone wondering what's wrong with that message, I'd recommend reading Mark Manson's blog . Both elaborate extensively on strong boundries, being open and sincere about one's feelings (which Mark calls "vulnerability" — a misnomer, in my opinion) and the kinds of romantic relationships one could end up in, including abusive ones.
Read Models by Mark Manson. He writes that any guy will be a creep to some girls, given the right occasion. I don't see how this is different from fear of rejection. (NB: "Models" is not about how to date a photo model, it's how to model your behavior.)
I do agree with you but to an extent. I used to have awful social skills, was bad at reading situations and was very awkward with talking to girls. Never was an incel though, but I had so little success that I wanted to get better at it. I learnt those skills from PUA-material from Youtube and going out on a lot of dates. There is legit social psychology and self-development involved but it also depends on the teacher. I think the worst of the bunch are guys like Mystery whose methods are quite frankly shit and the guy is honestly a massive dickhead. On the other end of the spectrum I found RSD's Tyler and Mark Manson really helpful. For instance, his book "Models " is IMO one the best books I've read about dating. Many people here tend to associate PUAs with kind of manipulating sleazebags but there really is everything between manipulating sleazebags to people who teach how to have genuine and honest relationships with women without any manipulation or misogyny involved. In the end it's just one form of personal development that can be used for a lot of purposes and some of them are worse and better than others. There is a common saying in that scene if one is to leave a girl they should leave the girl in better shape than they found her.
In the end I got a lot better place with dating and in general with my life. I'm currently involved in the most mature and loving relationship I've ever been in. We both feel like we bring the best out of each other. She is an amazing person and I'm so happy that I found her.