Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
I'm going through a stage in my life when I don't enjoy doing things anymore. Obviously, if a task is considered somewhat hard and I know I will barely enjoy it, there is very little internal emotional support (motivation?) for doing it, thus procrastination.
I did an exercise from the book which was to list tasks I did during the day and mark a satisfaction rate as well as an efficiency rate. All the tasks are like 10% satisfaction, 99% efficiency. Seems like a mismatch. Then I asked myself a question "What would a person who does useful and efficient things tell himself to feel that miserable? What would he think about?".
I got the following, which goes really deep into my internal motivations and fears:
"All these tasks are worth nothing. I shouldn't be happy with them because I can forget that I don't grow and don't accomplish much in general. I may end up being a silly guy who only chills and has fun but in fact, has nothing meaningful going in his life. I shouldn't forget that things are not that good at the moment and it's too early to relax, to enjoy small accomplishments. A person becomes weak if he always enjoys what's going on around."
So if you experience a huge mismatch between satisfaction and efficiency (paradoxically I naturally have lots of fun doing things I am like 0% efficient in because I don't know yet how perfect result looks like), I suggest you to ask the same question "what thoughts could make a person that miserable?".
After listing advantages of believing the above and deep appreciation of my beliefs, it became clear that some of them are crazy self-sadistic. Even though they have the best intentions in the universe (making my life better) what they in fact achieved was getting me to the verge of having suicidal thoughts. And now I am doing exercises mentioned in the book and the podcast to give up these beliefs.
 - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/03...
 - https://feelinggood.com/2017/09/18/053-ask-david-i-dont-feel...
 - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-tea...
Great recommendation. OP, listen to u/clevelanders.
Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy (by Dr. David Burns) is amazing.
I've also used Change Your Thinking by Dr. Sarah Edelman which was tremendously effective.
Sure. I think the real challenge you will have to face is sorting out the negative thinking. This will take a while because you've probably been conditioned to immediately resort to negative thought patterns when facing a situation. I used the methods in this book . It uses principles for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to switch your perspective and rationalize your inner voice.
Some of the positives for me being an INFJ is that I'm extremely intuitive, naturally curious, very good with people 1-on-1, and very insightful. These skills has helped me immensely in my career as an analyst. For my personal life, we have wonderful skills to apply too. We are passionate and sometimes obsessive about what we believe in and will put all of our energy into it. This makes us very loyal companions and when we pair up with people who recognize and appreciate that, a beautiful strong relationship and bond will form.
What specifically do you not like about your current self?
Got a good book for you . It was recommended to me by my therapist. If you can be honest with yourself while answering (1-5 scale) self-evaluation questions at several points in the first chapter, you might find a POV you didn't know was there.
It changed my life for the better.
The CBT Bible: Feeling Good
I have searched high and low for something this good at teaching you how to conquer negative self-talk, and NOTHING even comes close. You have to work at it. And go back to it. I'm having hard time in my life right now, and have been re-reading it and doing the writing exercises (you write down a negative thought, then label it and write a replacement thought), and it is helping immensely.
It's only $6, but if that's a financial hardship, PM me, and I'll send you a copy if you're interested.
You need this book .
It was recommended to me by my therapist. It changed my life permanently for the better. Now, when I feel depressed it's because of events happening around me, not negative thought patterns in my head.
If you can be honest with yourself while answering self-assessment questions, and can read a minimum of ~50 pages (first chapter), you could be one trip to the library away from understanding why you're down on yourself, and getting the tools to stop that behavior...forever.
>smart person and very capable of personal success and progress, but they tend to be TOO self analytical, and fears rejection and change to the point of constant procrastination, resulting in a real lack of motivation. We've also discussed some signs of depression,
I think Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy sounds perfect for them. Definitely helped me with a lot of the same stuff.
Another vote for professional therapy for yourself and possibly together with your husband. It will help you both so much.
If you can't afford/find a professional therapist, LDS Family Services can help (although I think I would recommend outside of that first) or it can be found online for cheaper.
At the very, very least, pick up a copy of the cognitive behavior therapy bible, Feeling Good , and a notebook and read it. Do the exercises, take notes. It will help.
First: So what are you going to do to change it?
Second Here's a book that was recommended to me by my therapist .
This book (the first fifty pages) changed my outlook on life, got me off anti-depressants, and gave me the tools to beat back depression. It sounds like you might benefit from reading at least the first chapter.
It's been in print for over 20 years, so it's probably available at your local library.
@ OP: I have the solution. I guarantee it. "BS", you say? Nope. Here's the deal.
About a dozen years ago, I was depressed, always second-guessing my words and actions, worried to distraction about what other people might be thinking or saying about me. And then I'd start re-thinking the interactions of my workday, denigrating my personality as a lack of professionalism, and more.
This book was :
Directly responsible for me getting off anti-depressants totally.
Directly responsible for my ability to look at life as is, and deal with issues in a timely manner, like an adult.
The Reason I stopped self-defeating mental patterns that had been wasting my "thought time" as well as making me feel worthless, tired, anxious and unhappy.
It took me fifty pages. One chapter. There are several self-evaluation questions. (Full disclosure: Poster hates self-help books, but loves the "one-through-five" scale to rate, say, "emotional response to X"-type questionnaires). So however long it takes you to process data, (there's an audiobook of this, it's that good), you can expect positive results that may include physically uplifting reaction when you think about what the last couple of hours have taught you. Stuff you can use forever to prevent yourself from setting "negative mental precedent" which can turn into depression. Try it.
It's been in print for over twenty years, and my therapist says the author, whom he's conversed with twice, is quite a sharp and funny gunny guy.