There are TONS of people who struggle with it. It's disappointing that she wasn't more understanding. I HIGHLY recommend, as a very first and cost effective step, reading Marie Kondo's book . It discusses the psychology and importance of a clean and tidy space. Her Netflix series is really great, but doesn't conquer the same issues as her book.
This book discusses the importance of a clean sink and the impact it has on everything else in your space! Good luck!!
I see that you are a young man with an inquiring mind! I go into the five aspects of chaos in my book available for order here, as well as the 17 reasons why only tryhards choose Tau.
For me, it's a bit cheesey but after reading the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo, I truly felt that my life was changed. In total, I have tidied up my place twice, the first time only my clothes and the 2nd time, doing my entire apartment. Each time, I've felt a perspective change after. The biggest thing beyond tidying your house was how that book forces to confront your past decisions and change the way you make new ones. I try to do things that "spark joy" for me and this goes beyond shopping or spending money. Speaking of shopping, after you tidy, you are much more careful about buying new things, how you're spending your money and what you're bringing home. Once I finished my tidying festival, as Marie calls it, I was able to shift my focus on to more important things like FIRE and doing thigns in my life that sparked joy.
So it sounds like you are already working on the underlying issues. Finding a trusted friend who can teach you to make being clean feel more natural without judgement is a great start. There are also professionals who can do this and many books including Marie Kondō’s book, which helps people have a healthy relationship with stuff.
Take small steps and you will make steady progress.
Read Marie Kondo's excellent book of tidiness principles. There is a show on Netflix, which is good motivation if you're in a slump, but it doesn't replace the book. I think one of her tips is to store cherished items in a beautiful paper box (such as you might find at Target or Marshall's/TJ Maxx) and for everyday items she tends to group them according to a certain logic into wood or paper crates/boxes. The idea is to keep most things out of sight until you want to use them or focus on them. That way they don't eat up your attention span when you walk into the room.
Over-decorating one's room into a sort of personal shrine feels like something for teenagers and other people who are still working on establishing a coherent sense of self... whereas transitioning into a living arrangement with a husband and/or starting a family requires backing away from emphasizing one's self and instead focusing on creating harmonious neutral ground where two or more personalities can meet. So a great part of the answer to your question re: advice depends on whether you're still figuring yourself out and want to keep projecting your inner world into your space, or if you want to start practicing creating collective spaces in preparation for a future partner/family.
I've read two books in the last year and they have helped me SO much.
The Power of TED (The Empowerment Dynamic)by David Emerald
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
The first one has moved me so much that I have bought maybe half a dozen copies to give out to friends and family. It's an easy read and really make you think hard about your decision making skills and how you are motivated.
The second one was surprisingly helpful from a mental development sense. It's more than just cleaning up your house. It's cleaning up your mind. She talks a lot about doing what's best for you and how you can only make changes in yourself to get the results you want. I went through the tidying up thing, threw away 30 bags of trash, but after that I realized that it motivated me to make choices solely on what I want or need, not what I feel everyone else expects me to do. This book made a huge impact on my mental awareness and I've had such a boost of confidence since I read it.
EDIT: Added links
Please take a look at this book!! :) It might help.
I recently read a book that helped put a stop to my urges, because it put me in touch with everything I owned. Things that had gone long forgotten. The book has you go through a big clean and reorganizing process (that can perhaps be a safer use of manic energy?) and has you hold each item ask ask yourself if it sparks joy in your life. The goal is to get rid of or donate or sell anything that doesn’t and only surround yourself with things that bring you joy. It helps you realize just how much stuff you already have and it can be overwhelming and then eye-opening when you realize how little of it you actually need.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
I find myself being FAR more selective when it comes to accumulating more things since starting to go through this process and employing this simple philosophy.
For me, it was when I read "The life changing magic of tidying up" by Marie Kondo (Amazon link ).
Which I found out about from some reddit post about the best way to fold a shirt or something.
Anyway, I realized that a lot of possessions didn't equate to happiness, and then used that as a litmus test when purchasing things. e.g. "Do I really want this? Will it make me happier? Will it just be momentary? What else could I do with that money?" Sometimes the answer is yes, but I spend much longer thinking about buying something rather than impulse buying now, because otherwise I'll be holding yet another item in 6 months time going "nah, this doesn't bring me any happiness" and throwing it out.
Honestly? Throw away about half what you own... I know it sounds crazy but, it's amazing how little work it takes to clean your house when its not full of....stuff. I went through and purged... yes purged our house last year And honestly it was like taking the biggest xanax ever created. The book ill link is what got me started, the author is Japanese so there's some odd cultural things that i refrain from(I have not said thank you to my socks) but the meat of the book is great. Cant recommended lt highly enough
The life changing magic of tidying up.
For OP: There's this book the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It basically tells the reader to purge. The method is what helped me, though.
She writes that you should categorize your stuff in such a way that you purge things with low sentimental value first ending with things like pictures, handmedowns, etc. The thought process here is that you purge old clothes, unused appliances, movies, etc first so that you get in the groove of getting rid of stuff. By time you get to old pictures and memories, you have a general idea of how things go and don't dwell on stuff that you might look at two years from now.
I think the book was worth a read. I read it between moves and it helped me get rid of a ton of my crap. It also helped the way I fold my laundry which saved a lot of space too. TBH, I only read about the first half up to the purging section, then skimmed the rest. It got a little repetitive by then and I already had the gist of the book.
Will the scraps spark joy?
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/1607747308
I have heard this book is amazing: https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/1607747308 It would be a good starting place, then I would say divide things up so no one is doing a chore they hate. For example I hate cleaning toilets, but my SO doesn’t mind it. So I do the sink, mirror, and floor and he does the toilet and shower.
This book is great for learning how to downsize and declutter.
Minimalist philosophy is vague, so here are some books that cover a few areas. No one agrees on what the philosophy means so some will take issue with each of these I'm sure.
Contemporary Minimalism: Goodbye, Things
Getting Rid of Stuff: The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up
Traditional (somewhat related): Walden
Design (again, not perfect match, but similar): Wabi-Sabi
Do it yourself guide: Clear one area (desk, countertop, bed side table) then enjoy the emptiness. That'll give you enough of a taste to explore more.
This is really good advice-- helps a LOT to spend the time in advance to find furniture that fits exactly.
If you have the time, read this:
Will really to reduce the trauma of throwing stuff out
Do you need a good passive aggressive Christmas present for her? It basically details why you shouldn't hold on to your parents stuff.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo
This book was a god send. Never seen so many trash bags out the door before.