If you aren't able to get psychological help (counseling/behavioral therapy) I would suggest you look into self-help literature (Make sure to avoid esoteric literature) that might give you the lacking guidance on life that you (seemingly) seek:
Jordan Peterson - 12 Rules for life
Viktor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning
From someone way older than you let me tell you it's a gift that you start being aware of the suffering in life and what to do about it early. You have so much time to work on your life & on your self to improve your own circumstances and seek to create a meaningful life for yourself.
When you have no friends, a book is your best friend.
12 rules for life
This helped me alot.
There you go, read up muh dude
I mean, yeah, your friend was just trying to shoot the shit with some buddy talk, don't be harsh on him. But you should definitely talk to your best friend about what would you say in these situations, its a good way to be "prepared," and also to work on wingmanship with him (imagine if he's present when you freeze up while talking to a girl at a party or something, he could help you stay in flow). Prepared is not a good word, as it always makes it sound anxious, "sprezzatura" is better, oh, and also be firm in your values, again, honesty helps in building attraction. I think that Machiavelli wrote about this italian expression, how men should act in court with women, and that even if you work hard on something, (he was talking about artists and nobles and their duties, hobbies, so I guess frame is true here too), be non-chalant during a talk about it.
I think this is also true about possible situations, where you have epxectation about a girl, and prepare for talks in advance, then when "shit hits the fan" you can actually say something, even if most of the times it sounds "canned." I had some pretty surprising outcomes because of this, so yeah, if you know that a girl is going to talk about a topic next time, actually think about what you feel about that topic, like getting a girlfriend. This question gets more relevant if you imagine why the girl asked it in the first place. Did she think that you'd be a nice partner or she thinks that you have fucked up something in your life? It doesn't matter, really. All you need to do is to realize why this is the case, why your life looks like as it is now.
I had some pretty cute girls ask this girlfriend topic, and they were genuinely interested, and it was because they were into me or just liked me, in that situation you already have the ace in your hand, you just have to be nice to them in return. In antoher situation, another type of girl might ask the same question, just to push your buttons (maybe with a RBF), not even looking at you, just fiddling away with their phones. In this case, you shouldn't worry about this, they are just shit-testing you if you are confident enough to face issues like these. If you worry, they've managed to embarrass you and they got the confirmation that they were expecting. So just stay calm and you can be brutally honest too, these types of girls won't get offended that easily if you act like this. Maybe they'll throw a hissy fit if you cross a line (by telling them some cheeky joke about how they have a lot of boyfrined or something in riposte to this girlfriend question), and in that case you pretty much snatched the rein of the conversation at that point from their hands. You should definitely talk to them about these issues if an argument like this happens, as it is very eye-opening to see why they act the way they do, as this RBF attitude is most of the time just a defensive act for them to not get wind up in unnecessarily emotional situations (and you shouldn't judge girls only by the very first impressions).
Main thing is that remain calm and don't lose frame, tell them what you actually think, but if you have a very-very good joke, you can even thaw girls who might open by giving you the cold shoulder (just don't act like a white knight after you get their attention, "sprezzatura" all the way). To tell you a more specific response, I'd need some info about what you do and what are your goals. If you really feel that you need help with getting your shit together, dont be afraid, I was in the same boat as you, and I don't want to be a dick. Just read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life. It really helped me get better future prospects, work for them, and to be more confident in general, including girls too.
I gotchu homie
PM me your address before the boycott starts
Alright. Triage time.
Then read this:
Then take some of that 6 figures you make and allocate it to fucking off.
Fuck off wherever it tells you, book a flight, and go away for 2 weeks minimum. When you get there, pick a random direction and travel that way till you hit water or 2-3 weeks are up.
You need a reset and a change of scenery. Get your head screwed back on straight, clear your thoughts and get out of your rut.
But here's the thing: it's totally okay to feel like this and be fed up. Dating as an activity sucks giant donkey dick for everybody that's left. It's a grind and a treadmill, and sometimes the beat thing to do is hit the stop button and step off. Fuck all that noise, it's garbage.
Reset, take a sabbatical, go somewhere. Then come back with a new perspective.
Jordan Peterson speaks on this subject in some of his videos. Go to his official YouTube channel.
It’s also rule #2 in his book, 12 Rules For Life .
Here’s a short clip that you might find useful.
Treat Yourself Like...
All you need
That's right, I didn't read him. I was made aware of him by a fellow student, and then listened to a few lectures on Youtube over the last few months. But why should I read something that is obviously popular scientific after I didn't like his theses in the lectures? He is a motivation trainer, proof? Read the title for yourself:
This book helped me and is still helping me. I think it can help you, too. Find Jordan Peterson on YouTube and listen to some of his interviews. :)
>I can’t change anything and I can’t make history.
You can't change history but you really do have the power to change. Change is often frustratingly slow, but it is real. Start small. Like really small. Like clean up your room or eat a bit better, or exercise.
I'd recommend checking out this book.
I normally don't recommend this book to anyone... but I think it may be appropriate here.
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345816021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_VMUyCb8A87B92
this book changed my perspective and helped tremendously. this comment will prob get voted down by leftist ideologues but dont listen to them. trust me on this and give this book a shot.
>When I think of "toxic masculinity" I think of the guy who takes a few classes at his local MMA gym and then goes around starting bar fights because he thinks he's a tough guy.
First they came for the knuckle-draggers
Then they came for Terry Crews
I think the issue here is that pretty much nobody who's internalized some notion of "Toxic Masculinity" has it accompanied by a coherent conception of "Positive Masculinity." The former is a highly virulent, easily misunderstood meme that's very useful for beating people over the head. The latter requires a lifetime of trial and error, a psychologists perspective, or an entire book to articulate in anything resembling a coherent manner.
Das musst du selbst herausfinden. Ich kann dir a buchempfehlung geben: https://www.amazon.de/dp/0345816021/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awd_xs_zy8FCbEC2EQMP
May I suggest some light reading: https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021
INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.
The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.
You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.
Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.
The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.
Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.
Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.
The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.
Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.
Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
Read this book .