The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence

Category: Social Sciences
Author: Gavin De Becker
This Month Reddit 2


by Fey_fox   2019-01-13

When I was your age I felt the same way. Then as time passed I found out a friend was groped at the bar when some guy she didn’t see came up behind her and grabbed her mouth and crotch in a dark area of the dance floor. Nobody reacted or saw. When I was 25 that’s when a friend I was with got her drink spiked. Someone was dosing people in the club for shits. She went from pretty normal to fall down pass out real fast, we got her home and stayed with her until she was ok, but I don’t want to imagine what could of happened if she wasn’t with us. When I was 26 my roommate was raped, and I had already been sexually assaulted by a guy who lied about wearing a condom.

By the time I was 30 I had been staked by an ex, groped and had dudes I didn’t know suddenly grinding on my ass in the club. I don’t take public transportation but I’ve heard stories from my friends who take the bus of guys exposing themselves or rubbing their dick through their pants while trying to get eye contact with them.

These weren’t and aren’t daily occurrences. I’m pretty cautious by nature. I carry a carry a cat keychain and compared to most people I know I haven’t had to deal with some of the stuff they had. But I wasn’t and am not immune and neither are you.

Keep your head on a swivel. You have been lucky. I hope you stay that way. Point of this is just because you have been lucky and you beaten the statistic so far doesn’t mean that everyone has or that your luck will hold.

There’s a book I recommended to all young adults, especially young women. The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence . It’s thick but a quick read. I would suggest checking it out.

by here-to-jerk-off   2019-01-13

This is actually more dangerous than helpful to you. It was part of a case study in "The Gift of Fear "

by odette_decrecy   2019-01-13

Your nails are gorgeous! And congratulations on getting away from an abusive and controlling relationship!

I want to recommend several books to help you, even now, 8 months later. The more time you can take for yourself to heal and to learn--probably at least a year--it will reduce the chances of getting into another relationship that includes abuse and control.

* Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

* Bancroft's Helping Your Children Heal from Witnessing Abuse.

* Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence.

I was in a decade-long abusive relationship, which I successfully exited in 2012, and have never looked back. Life just keeps getting better, and I am so happy to finally have a serene and peaceful life. These were invaluable resources for me. Thank you for sharing your story of strength!

by bss60   2018-11-10

There were so many red flags in this situation that she missed. This was a wake up call and a valuable lesson for her; thank goodness she is okay.

I have a book to recommend that she read. I asked my kids (adults now) to read it when they were younger, and frankly, I can recommend it highly to anyone and everyone. It's called "The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence" by Gavin De Becker. The book teaches you how to identify even subtle signs of danger, and how to trust your gut instincts.

by CherryBrownies   2018-11-10

> I don't know about a restraining order. They've been known to make situations worse

yeah I read that oft times a restraining order sometimes will set off a violent reaction in a stalker. there's a good book about how to deal with those types of people it was called "The Gift of Fear".

by annalatrina   2018-11-10

You need to get treatment for your anxiety. In healthy people, “trusting your gut” can be very helpful (especially for women and children) There is a book called The Gift of Fear that is amazing. It talks about learning to distinguish the instincts you should trust from the noise. We are frequently socialized to disregard when someone is making us uneasy, we need to pay attention to that feeling.

by tacon   2018-02-28
The Gift of Fear is all about listening to your "gut". We have a very highly evolved ability to take in the high bandwidth data from our environment and decide "danger", but living in large anonymous social groups can lead us to suppress this feeling.

The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence