Where's MY Book? A Guide for Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming Youth, Their Parents, & Everyone Else

Author: Linda Gromko MD
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by ftmichael   2019-08-24

Yes, you're Trans. You're utterly textbook. Tbh I have no idea why you think you might be cis.

Yes, dysphoria comes in waves for most people. And dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a guy" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis girls would not rather be guys. They actively like being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.

Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.

Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.

Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.

Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.

Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.

Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take T, take T. If you want to stop taking T later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on T later still, do that. Etc.

Therapy would do you a world of good. To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . Enter your location, then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

Come hang out on /r/ftm. It'll help. A lot. (Yes, you "qualify". Yes, lots of people there feel exactly like you do. Yes, I promise.)

Get the book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney. It'll help you a LOT. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

by ftmichael   2019-08-24

Gender roles are a social construct. Gender identity isn't. Relax, you exist. :P You're fine.

Get the book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney. It'll help you a LOT. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

And come hang out on /r/ftm. It's a whole lot more active than here.

by ftmichael   2019-08-24

Phases end. This isn't ending. Therefore it is not a phase.

Last I checked, lesbians were a thing. Being exclusively into girls doesn't magically somehow make you not a girl.

Get the book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney. It'll help you a LOT. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

Tell your son flat-out that it's completely fine with you that he's Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support him no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (connect with PFLAG, by the way, even though you're not in the US) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

Remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging him from wearing the clothes he wants to an upcoming family event, or not using his name and/or pronouns, or telling him he should wait to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If he doesn't feel supported, he's in the stat group of unsupported youth.

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. Share both of those books with your son.

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love their family camp.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even though you're already supportive. On Facebook, should check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can tell his family connect with more providers and support networks in their area for Trans youth and their families, even if he doesn't go to uni near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world. (Children's hospitals routinely serve young adults, sometimes up to age 21 or 25 or so.)

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

From what you've said here, you are really obviously Trans. You're completely textbook. I honestly have no idea why you think you might be cis.

Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a guy" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis girls would not rather be guys. They actively like being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.

Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.

Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.

Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.

Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.

Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.

Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take T, take T. If you want to stop taking T later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on T later still, do that. Etc.

Therapy would do you a world of good. To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

Come chat in Yay for Queers too if you want. I think you'd like it there. It's mostly Transmasculine folks and questioning people. It's not a bustling hive of constant chatter, but if you talk, people will respond and be happy to chat with you. :)

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

From what you've said here, you are really obviously Trans. You're completely textbook. I honestly have no idea why you think you might be cis.

Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a guy" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis girls would not rather be guys. They actively like being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.

Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.

Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.

Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.

Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.

Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.

Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take T, take T. If you want to stop taking T later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on T later still, do that. Etc.

Therapy would do you a world of good. To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

Come chat in Yay for Queers too if you want. I think you'd like it there. It's mostly Transmasculine folks and questioning people. It's not a bustling hive of constant chatter, but if you talk, people will respond and be happy to chat with you. :)

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth.

Three is absolutely NOT too young to know your gender. I have known that I was a boy since I was two. Age 2-3 is when children first notice that gender exists and that everyone, including themselves, has a gender. That's established fact; anyone who's studied child development at all is aware of this. As is anyone who's spent any time around toddlers and preschoolers. When a three-year-old cis boy informs you that he's a boy, as many three-year-olds are wont to do, adults say "Yep!" or "That's great!" and the kid goes on his way. When a three-year-old Trans boy informs you that he's a boy, adults get all bent out of shape. There is no difference between those two boys. Adults and their double standards are the problem. (See this excellent comic.)

A study a couple of years ago (from Denmark? The Netherlands? I can't remember offhand) found that there is zero difference in either the strength or the consistency in the gender identity of Trans kids and that of cis kids, when measured over time. Cis people's reactions to that have tended to involve wonder and amazement. Trans people's reactions have tended to involve "... well, duh" and "We've been telling you this for decades".

Read this beautiful letter from a mom to her five-year-old son shortly after he transitioned. (He's now eight.) See also this excellent video made by a family when their six-year-old son transitioned. (He's now ten, I think.)

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

Tell your kid flat-out that it's completely fine with you that he's Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support him no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. (And that message needs to be consistent for the rest of his life, not just started once or twice.) I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (are should connect with PFLAG, by the way, especially if her local chapter had groups for parents of Trans youth) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

Remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support him no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging him from wearing the clothes he wants to an upcoming family event, or not using his name and/or pronouns, or telling him he should wait to pursue medical transition. (Obviously now he does have to wait; he's three. There is no medical intervention for prepubescent Trans kids. All transitioning prior to the onset of puberty is social, not medical. But when puberty starts to loom on the horizon, both you and he need to be aware of puberty blockers and hormones, and if he wants them, you need to help him access them. See the books I mentioned below for more info on that.) That isn't support. If he doesn't feel supported, trees in the stat group of unsupported youth.

The book The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper is your new bible, seriously. It'll help enormously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love their family camp.

Check out http://gendermom.com/ . Her daughter transitioned a few years ago, and is now eight, I think.

The wonderful books from http://flamingorampant.com/ belong on your shelf, and should be part of the regular rotation of books you read your kids. Representation matters. You can't be what you can't see.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even though you're already supportive. On Facebook, check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help their family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

Was M assigned female at birth? Or male?

I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

Your friend needs tell to his kid flat-out that it's completely fine with him that they're Trans, binary or non-binary, and that he will support them no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (connect with PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning folks) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

Your friend needs to remember, too, that she has to walk her talk when she says she'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging them from wearing the clothes they want to an upcoming family event, or not using their name and/or pronouns, or telling them they should wait to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If they done feel supported, they're in the stat group of unsupported youth.

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your friend's new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. He should share both of those books with his kid.

Your friend should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning folks. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for him there, even if he's already supportive. On Facebook, he should check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, he can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help their family connect with more providers and support networks in their area for Trans youth and their families, even if their family isn't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world. (Children's hospitals routinely serve young adults, sometimes up to age 21 or 25 or so.)

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

Your friend needs to tell her kid flat-out that it's completely fine with her that they're Trans, binary or non-binary, and that she will support them no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (are should connect with PFLAG, by the way, especially if her local chapter had groups for parents of Trans youth) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of her new bible, seriously. It'll help enormously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. She should share all of those books with her kid.

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. She and her kid would love their family camp.

They should watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Your friend should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for her there, even if she thinks she's already supportive. On Facebook, she can check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, she can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help their whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help their family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if they aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

Writing it down means you get to say exactly what you want to say, the way you want to say it. It also means you aren't there for their initial (likely emotional) reaction. When they've calmed down and are ready to talk (which will not happen overnight), then you can talk.

My mother neither helped nor tried to stop me. I just transitioned without her and she got to watch.

Their initial reaction isn't how it stays forever. She's fine now. And the game changer was, is, and will always be talking to other parents of Trans youth. Here, have a resource dump.

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a guy. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a guy, but I'd rather be a girl" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis guys would not rather be girls. They actively like being guys. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.

Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.

Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.

Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.

Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.

Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.

Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a girl or anything else. If you want to be seen as a girl, put yourself into social situations as a girl, whether online or offline. If you want to try wearing jeans from the women's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take hormones, take hormones. If you want to stop taking hormones later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on hormones later still, do that. Etc.

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

Are they connected with other parents of Trans youth? That's extremely important.

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

I'm a Trans adult who was a Trans kid. This 13-year-old Trans kid posted here two weeks ago, and this one posted here three weeks ago.

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2018-11-10

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by Thriftyverse   2018-11-10

Ask and you shall receive

by ftmichael   2018-03-19

FYI, you'll get a lot more responses and insight on /r/ftm, /r/genderqueer, and /r/nonbinary. Come hang out there. (Yes, you "qualify" for all of them. Yes, lots of people in all of them feel like you do. Yes, I promise.)

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

Remember that dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a guy" is dysphoria. Cis girls would not rather be guys. They actively like being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.

Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.

Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.

Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.

Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.

Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.

Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take hormones, take hormones. If you want to stop taking hormones later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on hormones later still, do that. Etc.

Therapy would do you a world of good. To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

Come chat in Yay for Queers too if you want. I think you'd like it there. It's mostly Transmasculine folks (like you) and questioning people. It's not a bustling hive of constant chatter, but if you talk, people will respond and be happy to chat with you. :)

by ftmichael   2018-03-19

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2017-12-06

Hi, I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

There is no such thing as "getting a sex change" (that's an extreme oversimplification - it's called transition because it's a process, not an event) and you don't "chop your dick off" - even if your daughter has bottom surgery, which it sounds like she wants, that is not how that surgery works. Remember that your daughter had this on her mind for a very long time before she told you, and that she likely knows a great deal more about all this than you do.

See if there are groups for LGBTQ youth, and especially Trans and gender-questioning youth, in your area.

Tell your daughter flat-out that it's completely fine with you that she's Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support her no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (join PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

Remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support her no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then not letting her wear the clothes she wants to an upcoming family event, or not using here name and/or pronouns, or making her wait until she's 18 to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If she doesn't feel supported, she's in the stat group of unsupported youth.

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. Share both of those books with your daughter.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . Your daughter would love Camp Aranu'tiq.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even though you're already supportive. On Facebook, check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2017-12-06

Hi, I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth.

See if there are groups for LGBTQ youth, and especially Trans and gender-questioning youth, in your area.

Tell your son flat-out that it's completely fine with you that he's Trans, binary or non-binary, and you will support him no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (join PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."

Remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then not letting him cut his hair, or not letting him wear the clothes he wants to an upcoming family event, or not using his name and/or pronouns, or telling him he has to wait until he's 18 to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If he doesn't feel supported, he's in the stat group of unsupported youth.

This is more of a general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. Share both of those books with your son.

Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . Your son would love Camp Aranu'tiq.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even if you're already supportive. On Facebook, you can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.

by ftmichael   2017-12-06

This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!

The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.

Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)

Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (Alternatively, have him join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they thinks they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.

Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.

To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.

The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.