No offense, but you're in a honeymoon period with this idea. Your wife is supporting your transition and asking herself if this is part of the bargain now too. Please don't start off by thinking your lovers will be your wife's friends. That's a fantasy and you might find the reality is a lot less relaxed. Give it time, take it step by step. Don't rip the band-aid off the emotional grieving your partner is going through for you in transition and in considering losing her exclusivity. It's a bigger thing than you see today. Take it. Slow. Casual things heat up fast when you're not prepared for "new relationship energy" and there's a lot to learn if you intend to have a healthy balance.
Here are a few resources: https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X
Two books I see highly recommended right now:
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory
Start by reading the /r/polyamory FAQ if you haven't yet.
There are many good books out there, and reading any of these will help fill in a lot of blanks for you:
The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: Everything You Need to Know About Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Alternative Love
The Polyamory Toolkit: A Guidebook for Polyamorous Relationships
Building Open Relationships: Your hands on guide to swinging, polyamory, and beyond!
If you like listening to podcasts, there are a couple good ones I follow: Multiamory Podcast and Polyamory Weekly.
Go slow, read lots, and follow your heart.
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/157344295X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ofriDb2TGCWTT
Second ed. Hardy
There is also another that works well for established couples called, "Opening Up" that I would recommend.
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/157344295X
You can find this on Audible as well
Thank you both for these comments. Extremely helpful.
u/sliceofpie I do want that conversation with my wife, but I find it kinda awkward knowing how to start it.
I think at the back of mind it's been there like "What if I'm wrong, what if it's not what it seems" but seeing comments like:
>She and Rebecca have almost certainly had conversations about this
is helpful, kinda reassuring that I'm not just adding two and two and getting ten.
> and your kids. Don't forget about them.
That is key for me, and kinda something I didn't really mention as I'm not sure how it would affect them as such. All three of them are like "perfect" brothers, better than most siblings actually, maybe that's in part due to the fact that one isn't really a brother and as such they behave better than most other siblings we know. (me and my brother were awful together as kids too).
Whatever we did I'd want to ensure the kids were not going to be negatively affected by it, her son as much as our two.
> If no one else has suggested it, I recommend you read the book "Opening Up" as a sort of primer for opening up your marriage
Thank you u/embersilverly I don't know why but I never even thought for a moment about seeing if there were books on the topic.
This the one I assume you mean?