Read the Book “No more Mr Nice Guy”. Perfect description of what it and and what to do about it.
You do what is in your best interest regardless of how other people react. This is a basic life lesson that many of us don’t understand for a variety of lessons.
Only you know what is best for your life and only you are capable of executing and meeting your needs. Therefore it’s 100% ok for you to pursue your needs. Anyone who thinks otherwise can choke on a bag of dicks.
Read this book:
I'm a dude and I think you are spot on with your assessment of his behavior. There is a lot of complex stuff going on with him. What you are seeing is just the result of deeper issues.
If you really care about your friend, buy him this book:
It's really helped me see all the terrible defensive strategies I've unknowingly created to deal with childhood abandonment issues.
I hope you can be a positive source of inspiration and personal growth for your friend.
Your wife doesn't respect you, simple as that. The problem isn't her, its you. Do yourself a favor and read this book before you go see a divorce lawyer, trust me it WILL HELP.
Your suggestion that the father should have that conversation with the daughter (that people may do or say things to hurt her and that she is not responsible for their behavior but she is responsible for her reaction) is a great suggestion. And for all we know, he had that conversation with her before going up to the store to confront the clerk.
If the clerk were a "250 lb guy" the father might have reconsidered approaching him because if he becomes aggressive he might get injured. But that has nothing to do with whether or not the father was justified in wanting to confront the clerk in the first place. The clerk, whether he realized it or not, was sexually harassing those girls - literally making fun of their puberty. He should be called out on his bad behavior. The dad was not using this as an excuse to "go off" on someone. He was nothing except calm and collected the whole time. Of course he was angry, but did we ever see him act on that anger? No. Your hypothetical situation of the clerk not being able to defend himself makes no sense. Hell, the other guy in line with him seemed more agitated about the situation than he was.
And regarding your opinion on this whole thing; I wouldn't call you a loser but you certainly are far from a normal opinion on this kind of a situation, whatever that might imply.
Also, I highly recommend this book (having read it, myself).
So let's take stock here:
So what's the issue with saying "Mom I love you, but I don't believe this to be the best use of my money." and then doing so?
There's nothing wrong with doing what is in your best interest. A big life lesson is learning how to do so even when other people are not pleased with your decision. You are not obligated to make your mom happy nor are you obligated to get her to agree with all of your decisions.
I think you might have an issue with conflict and saying no in general, and if that's the case I highly recommend this book:
With that said I know family can be a challenge. I wish you well whatever you decide, good luck!
Man, I gotta say, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for the unnecessary pain you've burdened, not only as a kid but as an adult. Also, I'm so sorry about your step-mom, you've really been dealth a shitty hand.
Honestly, you should seek therapy to discuss your childhood. While the normal person would react with rage against biomom, you seem to have gone the opposite direction. Not only are you not cutting her from your life, it seems like you're trying to sell her on being a grandmother.
Your mom is emotionally manipulating you. She's not talking to you because she wants to control you by withholding love and affection, that is if she's even capable of showing love.
You need to cut her out completely. If there is to be reconciliation, it needs to start with her. SHE should be the one hopping on a plane to visit her son and grandchildren. SHE is the one who should come crawling back to you for forgiveness. SHE should be showing up at YOUR doorstep.
I'm worried about you. You're holding on to this hope that you can convince your mom to be in your life. You can't make her do that, she made her choice when she walked out on you the first time. You need to accept the fact that your mom is never going to be the parent you need her to be. You need to mourn that loss, and you need to talk to someone who can guide you through the healing process.
I want to first recommend you pick up a copy of "No More Mister Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. This is the best guide for teaching men to overcome emotional manipulation and growing past the failures of their parents. I think you'll find a lot of wisdom in the book and quite a few times you'll feel like Glover is narrating your life.
Additionally, I'd like to pray for you as you start this healing process. Despite the failures of your biomom, I do believe you have a heavenly parent who will reciprocate back the love you're trying to give someone else.
All the best and good luck.
She showed me pictures of her tattoos and some of them are bad but I’m not going to say they are. I end up saying I like them
You're needy, you're a liar, and you're afraid.
Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A Glover.
A man doesn't have to be exclusively straight in order to qualify for white-knighting. Biologically, every man has the instinct to spread his seed to as many women as possible regardless of sexuality.
Even nice guys fool themselves into thinking that they aren't influenced by pussy just because they're gay.
I was the same way, this book helped me out a bit.
Here, these will help alot.
No more mister nice guy
When I say no I feel guilty
And this one is the most important.
Married man sex life primer
See you in 7 years.
You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy
Why do you care so much about what others think of you? Why can't you make decisions that make you happy regardless of what other people think? You need to realize that:
1.) You have emotional/phsysical/psychological needs
2.) You are the only one who can pursue the means to meet said needs.
3.) You are the only person who has your best interest in mind.
I'd be surprised if your unwillingness to be open about your career struggles with the people around you doesn't correlate with an unwillingness to be open about your other desires/needs/wants.
Perhaps I'm wrong, at any rate I think the linked book is worth your time.
Because "Nice Guy Syndrome" is an affliction that is detrimental to society in general so I do what I can to fight it. Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_jieOCbXRS1GHC
Read this book.
One of the most important lessons one needs to learn in life is this:
One needs to make decisions that are in their best interest regardless of how other people react.
You are the only person who has your best interest in mind. It’s up to you to ensure that your needs are met and you’re happy.
You're a "Nice Guy."
Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" By Robert A. Glover.
Read this book! It is not about becoming a dick to others but learning to stand up for yourself
No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
"Nice Guy Syndrome" trying too hard to please others while neglecting one's own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. It's no wonder that unfulfilled Nice Guys lash out in frustration at their loved ones, claims Dr. Glover. He explains how they can stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life, by presenting the information and tools to help them ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships with other men, and to live up to their creative potential.
Sounds like the problem I had with porn .... Wife caught me... Your story is literally what happened to the wife and me.
My porn use was a form of meditation, I could zone out to porn and did not have to think about work, marriage, kids, The more you watch the more your brain gets addicted to the Dopamine rush..... You then spend hours and hours looking for the one image that will trigger that rush. Then you throw the shame and guilt on top and WOW it starts all over again.
Two things that helped me out big time was a book called No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover - The book is not about being a jerk guy but in my case it was that I would try and please everyone all of the time, I hated conflict , everything needed to run smoothly... with this a lot of Nice Guys Turn to Porn...... My wife was mad for about 2 years, we did a lot of counseling and worked through it
I hope this helps
I also joined his porn addiction group Sons of Ulysses