The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens
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FYI, you'll get a whole lot more responses and insight on /r/ftm.
What country are you in?
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your mom. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love their family camp.
Your mom should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when she's ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time she's ready, have her join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for her there, even if she thinks she's already supportive. On Facebook, she can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, she can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Your parents are entirely wrong about the causes of gender dysphoria. And gender dysphoria is not a "feeling".
I think https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749 is the book /u/ftmichael usually recommends for parents of trans teens.
https://pflag.org/ourtranslovedones is a really good long pamphlet, and it can be freely downloaded.
If there is a PFLAG in your area, try to get your parents to go to it. They need to meet the parents of other trans teens to get more accurate information and stop panicking and start helping you.
I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
Your mom needs tell to your sibling flat-out that it's completely fine with her that they're Trans, binary or non-binary, and that she will support them no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (connect with PFLAG, by the way, even though you're not in the US) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."
Your mom needs to remember, too, that she has to walk her talk when she says she'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging them from wearing the clothes he wants to an upcoming family event, or not using their name and/or pronouns, or telling them they should wait to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If they don't feel supported, they're in the stat group of unsupported youth.
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. Share both of those books with your sibling.
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love their family camp.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your mom should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for her there, even if she thinks she's already supportive. On Facebook, she should check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, she can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in their area for Trans youth and their families, even if your family isn't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world. (Children's hospitals routinely serve young adults, sometimes up to age 21 or 25 or so.)
From what you've said here, you are really obviously Trans. You're completely textbook. I honestly have no idea why you think you might be cis.
Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a girl. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a girl, but I'd rather be a guy" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis girls would not rather be guys. They actively like being girls. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.
Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.
Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.
Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.
Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.
Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.
Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a guy or anything else. If you want to be seen as a guy, put yourself into social situations as a guy, whether online or offline. If you want to try binding, try binding (safely!). If you want to try packing, try packing. If you want to try wearing jeans from the men's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take T, take T. If you want to stop taking T later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on T later still, do that. Etc.
Therapy would do you a world of good. To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
Come chat in Yay for Queers too if you want. I think you'd like it there. It's mostly Transmasculine folks and questioning people. It's not a bustling hive of constant chatter, but if you talk, people will respond and be happy to chat with you. :)
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
Tell him flat-out that it's completely fine with you that he's Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support him no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (the kid's parents should join PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."
Adults should remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging them from wearing the clothes they want to an upcoming family event, or not using their name and/or pronouns, or telling them they should wait to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If they don't feel supported, they're in the stat group of unsupported youth. (I know you know this, but his parents and other family members likely don't.)
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of his new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. He'd love it.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
His parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they should check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help his whole family a lot.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can tell his family connect with more providers and support networks in their area for Trans children and their families, even if they're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Are they connected with other parents of Trans youth? That's extremely important.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
FYI, you'll get a lot more responses and insight over on /r/ask_transgender.
I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth. This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
Parents, caregivers, teachers, counselors, caring adults, etc. need to tell the Trans and questioning youth in their lives flat-out that it's completely fine with you that they're Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support them no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (the kid's parents should join PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."
Adults should remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then discouraging them from wearing the clothes they want to an upcoming family event, or not using their name and/or pronouns, or telling them they should wait to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If they don't feel supported, they're in the stat group of unsupported youth.
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look. All three belong on the shelf of every school counselor, to be borrowed by any student who wants to, and in the school library as well.
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. The Trans youth in your life would love it.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning who are 18 or under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they should check out these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help their whole family a lot.
The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help the families you know connect with more providers and support networks in their area for Trans children and their families, even if they're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
I'm a Trans adult who was a Trans kid. This 13-year-old Trans kid posted here two weeks ago, and this one posted here three weeks ago.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
From what you've said here, you are really obviously Trans. You're completely textbook. I honestly have no idea why you think you might be cis.
Dysphoria doesn't necessarily mean you're miserable or you hate your body or you can't stand the idea of living as a guy. For a lot of people it's a whole lot more subtle than that. "I wouldn't mind staying a guy, but I'd rather be a girl" is dysphoria. "I wish I had dysphoria because then I could transition" is dysphoria. Cis guys would not rather be girls. They actively like being guys. They aren't just settling for it because they're stuck with it. The point isn't that we're all miserable tortured souls who hate our bodies and want to die every time we're misgendered. If something different sounds like an improvement to you, that is a manifestation of dysphoria.
Remember that "transition is scary and seems daunting" is not why cis people don't want to transition.
Trans with doubts doesn't equal cis.
Trans and terrified doesn't equal cis.
Read The Null Hypothecis and That Was Dysphoria? I think they'll both speak to you a lot.
Forget doubting whether you should transition. Doubt whether you shouldn't transition. What if you regret not transitioning, or not transitioning sooner? (Spoiler: that's way more likely than regretting transition.) Take every scared "what if" question and change "transition" to "not transition". What if, by not transitioning, you screw up the rest of your life? What if you don't transition and you're never happy later in life? What if you don't transition and you regret it? If all those fears can be used against transition, they can equally be used in favor of it.
Don't angst about being 100% sure. You do NOT have to be 100% sure to act on your feelings, and there's loads of non-permanent things you can do. I'm guessing that you think if you come out as Trans you have to do ALL THE TRANSITION THINGS and there is NO GOING BACK and you have to be VERY VERY 110% SURE or else BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN and you will be MISERABLE FOREVER. None of this is true. Transition is a process, not an event. Just do whatever you need to do to feel as comfortable as possible in your own skin and in the world as you move through it. That's the entire point; the rest is noise. Transition is not a roller coaster you strap yourself onto. You are in charge. Try stuff out, keep what works, chuck what doesn't. That's really all there is to it. That doesn't mean you have to have surgery or live as a girl or anything else. If you want to be seen as a girl, put yourself into social situations as a girl, whether online or offline. If you want to try wearing jeans from the women's department, go get a pair of jeans. If you want this or that surgery, go for it. If you want to take hormones, take hormones. If you want to stop taking hormones later, stop taking them. If you want to go back on hormones later still, do that. Etc.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are they two halves of your new bible, seriously. Read them, then give them to your parents. (Never give or recommend anything you haven't read yourself!) There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Check out Camp Aranu'tiq. You'd love it.
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (If you're 18+ by the time they're ready, have them join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), the Gender Odyssey conference, and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Gender Management Service clinic at Phoenix Children's Hospital, the Transgender Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you aren't near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Hello! Cei here. Thank you for your question and for your willingness to learn and grow for your community! Question 1.a. If you are providing a space (a group, a confirmation class, a retreat, a bible study, a weekly potluck, a movie night, etc) for these young people to be themselves- to use they name they choose, to use the pronouns that fit for them, and to create norms where the other youth in the space must be respectful of these identities- then you are creating a safe space for the youth to go through the process of self-actualization in their identity. Ideally the church congregation would also be asked to affirm these youth in their identity. Depending on your comfort level, you could address the congregation and explain that you would like the church to be a sacred and safe space for all, and that in the interest of achieving this goal, you would ask them to respect names, pronouns, and gender expressions of all congregation members. b. One of the best ways to advocate for young people to their parents is to explain that the young person is happy, responding well, and thriving in environments where they are allowed to be themselves. If you have a young person who comes to your group/bible study/etc. who is using the name they choose, the pronouns that fit their identity, and is affirmed by the group around them and they are thriving, tell the young person's parents so. It may be that at home the parents see a kid who is struggling and sad and they are scared that being gender diverse will make things harder for their already unhappy child. To show that gender affirmation can radically improve a kid's quality of life is often the best motivator for parents to adopt affirming language.
I hope this helps, and thanks again for advocating for the gender diverse people at your church!
Hi, I'm a Trans adult who transitioned as a teen, and now works with Trans youth.
See if there are groups for LGBTQ youth, and especially Trans and gender-questioning youth, in your area.
Lots of cis kids watch Jazz's show. They don't suddenly think they're Trans. They think she's cool or whatever, and they know full well that she's Trans and they're cis. Being aware that Trans people exist does not turn cis kids delusional and make them think they're Trans too. What's far more likely to "influence" Trans and gender-questioning kids are the messages coming at them at all times, from all directions, that cis genders and experiences are real and Trans genders and experiences - their genders and experiences - are fake, that they are deluded or hyperimpressionable or going through a phase or otherwise unable to know themselves, and that their lives will be happier if they repress their true selves in a desperate attempt to become cis. That is what's responsible for the appallingly high rate of suicidal ideation among Trans people. The suicide rate plummets to almost match the national average when you look at Trans people who feel supported and empowered.
Tell your kid flat-out that it's completely fine with you if they're Trans, binary or non-binary, and that you will support them no matter what. We have to actually explicitly say the words, or the message isn't clearly received. I'll never forget the wonderful PFLAG mom (join PFLAG, by the way, especially if your local chapter has a group for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids) who talked about her gay son coming out in his early 20s; he was terrified to tell his parents, which confused and upset them because they'd very consciously never said anything about being gay not being okay. His response was "But Mom, you never said that it was okay either."
Remember, too, that you have to walk your talk when you say you'll support them no matter what. Support for Trans youth matters. Support doesn't mean saying "I support you" and then not letting them wear the clothes they want to an upcoming family event, or not using their name and/or pronouns, or telling them they have to wait until they're 18 to pursue medical transition. That isn't support. If they don't feel supported, they're in the stat group of unsupported youth.
This is more of a general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney is your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . Your kid would love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Run, don't walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for you there, even though you're already supportive. On Facebook, you can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
That's a common argument from parents and it doesn't even make sense. Your parents have no idea what they're talking about.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
For help dealing with their religious bullshit, see /r/openchristian.
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (Alternatively, have him join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they thinks they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your dad. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your dad should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (Alternatively, have him join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for him there, even if he thinks he's already supportive. On Facebook, he can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, he can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. (Alternatively, have him join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transkidsfamily/ , which is for parents of Trans folks of all ages.) There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they thinks they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Does she know how to internet? :P
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
No, you can't just forget about it and you can't make it go away. The longer you attempt to repress or avoid it, the harder it will ultimately bite you in the butt. I promise.
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
Is she willing to talk to other parents of Trans kids? That's very important.
Google the stages of grief. They're exactly what most parents go through when we come out.
How long until you're 18?
This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The book The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill is your new bible, seriously. Read it, then give it to your parents. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your parents should run, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it when they're ready. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for them there, even if they think they're already supportive. On Facebook, they can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, they can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot.
To find a therapist who gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, including the ones that aren't near you. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.
I transitioned in my teens too. :) This is a more general resource dump, but I hope it helps!
The books The Transgender Child and The Transgender Teen by Stephanie Brill are the two halves of your new bible, seriously. There's also a new book out for Trans teens and their families, called Where's MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD . I haven't read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out http://t-vox.org/ and http://camparanutiq.org/ . You'd love Camp Aranu'tiq.
Watch this great video too. It's about Trans kids and it's really good. (Ignore the line from one mom about how blockers are "brand new". They aren't. They've been used for decades. The books I mentioned above explain a lot more about all that.)
Your mum should, not walk, to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It's a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There's a lot more to it than "you should support your kid". There's lots for her there, even if she's supportive from the start. On Facebook, she can join these great groups for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids: here and here. And here on Reddit, she can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot. If you're in the UK or Ireland, connect with Mermaids as well, and be sure to join their teens forum! (Your mum can join their excellent parents' group.)
To find a therapist who actually gets Trans issues (most don't, and are unhelpful at best and actively harmful at worst), see http://t-vox.org/medical and http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ . For the second link, enter your location and then select Transgender from the Issues list on the left.
The nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children's Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children's Medical Center Dallas, the gender clinic at Seattle Children's Hospital, BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help your family connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you're not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.