Man's Search for Meaning
I have been in a position where I felt that no one valued me - a couple times (for very long periods- years). I've gone through a lot of pain already in my life (I'm only 25). I don't have confidence in everything. But I am ok with my weaknesses. My mindset is that this is my race, I'm the only one running this race. I'm not running any one elses and no one else is running mine. Every race is different. I have to constantly remind myself that this is MY race. It doesn't matter when I finish or how far I get, it matters that I keep going. I give myself space to mess up and to just take it easy. I try hard to just live in this moment...in this one breath that I am taking right now. Thats the only breath that matters. The one right now.
I still have really down days. I try to always say three things that I am grateful for to myself. I try to move everyday (movement heals). I shower everyday and get dressed like I'm going somewhere (even if I'm not).
The book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankle has been a huge help to me. I've read it numerous times. The TV show Westworld has also helped me - i've watched the first season 11 times. Please read the book Mans Search for Meaning. Its a short read. If you don't have the money (or desire) for it I will buy it for you and send it to you.
This is your race. It does not matter what anyone thinks of you. It only matters what you think of yourself.
Treat yourself! Go out to a movie tonight just by yourself and buy some expensive candy and just enjoy it.
I'm sorry that you are going through this OP.
But there is nothing wrong with you. The only thing that is wrong is that society is very heteronormative which focuses on the idea that being straight is the ideal way to live. Everyone, including LGBTQ people, deserves to be happy.
Here are some psychology books that might help:
You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/1583334831
-This books explains a technique to deal with toxic thoughts which has helped people with OCD and anxiety.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/159285849X
-This book talks about how to deal with feelings of shame (not for being gay but in a broad sense which still helps). Her next book Daring Greatly goes into further detail.
10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/0997389826
-This book is focused on the coming out phase of a gay man. You are more than welcome to email him if you need help because he helped me.
Man's Search for Meaning https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/080701429X
-This book is written by a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who explains ways of finding meaning. The first part of the book talks about his experience in concentration camos. The second part of the book is about his practice.
No matter what, as Brene Brown (the author of The gifts of Imperfections) said in her book:
"You are always worthy of love and belonging."
 - https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/...
 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy
The one book I wish my colleagues would read and learn from is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl .
"Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness."
I am a existential therapist who works with suicidal people on a daily basis for over 20 years. Here are a couple of sources I have found to be illuminating.
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Very widely cited but no less moving, written by a psychiatrist who loses everything in the Nazi concentration camps of WWII this book provides a template towards finding personal meaning in context of great suffering.
Less popularly well know is the author, Dr. Irwin Yalom PhD who explains existentialism in context of doing practical therapy. Existential Psychotherapy discusses those aspects of the Existential philosophy as it might apply to everyday life and personal meaning with special focus on death, freedom, aloneness, and meaninglessness. Dr. Yalom is a truly original highly regarded theorist in psychology but also a very accessible writer for layman. This book has richly informed not only my professional practice but also my personal life. Plus he cracks a bit on Freudian Psychoanalysis and Skinner behavioral theory, always a fun sport IMHO!
Man's Search for Meaning is a good read for those interested in the topic.