Although this person sounds (second-hand) to be more paranoid and histrionic than truly borderline, most of what is laid out in this lift for friends and family of people with BPD will apply.
Before you can "save" them, you need to prepare yourself.
1) Read this page on the four types of borderlinism and this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books. If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
9) Understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the four forms of BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
12) Neuroleptic medications are very often (though not always) helpful for BPD, especially for the second, third and fourth types. "Discouraged" BPDs may do better with anti-depressants, but I say "may" very advisedly because of the rapid switching from sympathetic to parasympathetic pitch in the ANS that is so common among all borderlines.
I have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality, histrionia, paranoia, and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
To find the clinicians who know how to use these medicinal and behavioral psychotherapies, look here, and here, and here, and here, and (for DBT specialists in particular) here. If you dig a little on each page, you will be able to see which therapies they use. Then interview them as though they were applying for a job with your company. Most MD / psychiatrists, btw, are not therapists themselves (they are medication specialists), but can refer you to those who are, and are often -- though not always -- excellent sources of referral.
by not-moses 2017-08-19
Strongly suggested before you get on the roller coaster:
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
I have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
I got sick and tired of being a mess. I took action. It was my choice and no one else's. But it took nine long years to make that choice. I made a lot of other messes during those nine years. Good luck to you.
by not-moses 2017-08-19
Drama, drama, drama. The hallmark of BPD. So...
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
12) And prepare to raise the result of this pregnancy, because observation of over a hundred of them since 1987 makes it clear to me that a treatment-resistant, late adolescent BPD pt will neither put up with another child in her life for long, nor make a reliably patient, empathic, compassionate and soothing mother.
I have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
by AfterMidnite 2017-08-19
Hi,
BPD is an illness at the end of the day so if you do have BPD tendencies, you have tendencies of an illness. This means that it's not your fault. You didn't ask for it. I would say just give him the facts. The facts can be found online, however, be careful as there are a lot of sites that have been made by people who have a BPD ex and went through a tough time and have decided to basically make a website bashing BPD sufferers as a result. Look at mental health charities websites. I am in the UK so these are UK examples:
My standard rundown for the partner of the BPD patient:
Before you can "save" them, you need to prepare yourself.
1) Read this page on the four types of borderlinism and this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books. If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
9) Understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the four forms of BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
page one of two
by not-moses 2017-08-19
It is not appropriate to dx online let alone second-hand, but it does sound like a depressive version of BPD is a possibility. So...
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
I have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
Although this person sounds (second-hand) to be more paranoid and histrionic than truly borderline, most of what is laid out in this lift for friends and family of people with BPD will apply.
Before you can "save" them, you need to prepare yourself.
1) Read this page on the four types of borderlinism and this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books. If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
8) Look over this link to this book , get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.
9) Understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the four forms of BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
12) Neuroleptic medications are very often (though not always) helpful for BPD, especially for the second, third and fourth types. "Discouraged" BPDs may do better with anti-depressants, but I say "may" very advisedly because of the rapid switching from sympathetic to parasympathetic pitch in the ANS that is so common among all borderlines.
I have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality, histrionia, paranoia, and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
To find the clinicians who know how to use these medicinal and behavioral psychotherapies, look here, and here, and here, and here, and (for DBT specialists in particular) here. If you dig a little on each page, you will be able to see which therapies they use. Then interview them as though they were applying for a job with your company. Most MD / psychiatrists, btw, are not therapists themselves (they are medication specialists), but can refer you to those who are, and are often -- though not always -- excellent sources of referral.
Strongly suggested before you get on the roller coaster:
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
8) Look over this link to this book , get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
I have myself recovered from what was pretty florid BPD 20 years ago, with severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
I got sick and tired of being a mess. I took action. It was my choice and no one else's. But it took nine long years to make that choice. I made a lot of other messes during those nine years. Good luck to you.
Drama, drama, drama. The hallmark of BPD. So...
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
8) Look over this link to this book , get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
12) And prepare to raise the result of this pregnancy, because observation of over a hundred of them since 1987 makes it clear to me that a treatment-resistant, late adolescent BPD pt will neither put up with another child in her life for long, nor make a reliably patient, empathic, compassionate and soothing mother.
I have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.
Hi,
BPD is an illness at the end of the day so if you do have BPD tendencies, you have tendencies of an illness. This means that it's not your fault. You didn't ask for it. I would say just give him the facts. The facts can be found online, however, be careful as there are a lot of sites that have been made by people who have a BPD ex and went through a tough time and have decided to basically make a website bashing BPD sufferers as a result. Look at mental health charities websites. I am in the UK so these are UK examples:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/#.VfPdr51Viko
http://www.rethink.org/diagnosis-treatment/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder
I have read many books on BPD and I would say a good starting point is the 'Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide.'
https://toptalkedbooks.com/amzn/1572245077
My standard rundown for the partner of the BPD patient:
Before you can "save" them, you need to prepare yourself.
1) Read this page on the four types of borderlinism and this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those four types and five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books. If applicable, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
8) Look over this link to this book , get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.
9) Understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have one or more of the four forms of BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
page one of two
It is not appropriate to dx online let alone second-hand, but it does sound like a depressive version of BPD is a possibility. So...
1) Read this article on the five stages of recovery about the other party, seeing where they are among those five stages.
2) Read this article on the patterns & characteristics of codependency about you and them.
3) Read about the Karpman Drama Triangle about you and them, and them and their other, original family members.
4) Learn about family secrets and the emotional blackmail used to protect them, because it is typical in the childhood families of those who were invalidated, insulted, rejected, disclaimed, criticized, judged, blamed, embarrassed, humiliated, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, bullied, scapegoated, and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom one depended for survival in early life.
5) Read about reactive attachment disorder, because it is usually what the child acquires when abused by those she must depend upon to survive.
6) Look for CoDA meetings in your area and go to six before making a decision to continue or not... because it is likely that you will need to know about psychological boundaries and how to raise and lower them appropriately as they struggle with -- and seem to flip back and forth from -- fear of abuse here and fear of abandonment there.
7) Look over these books, pick one or two, and read it about you and them.
8) Look over this link to this book , get the book, and work through it for your own sake, regardless of what they do or do not do.
9) Come to understand that they may (we do not diagnose here) have BPD as a coping system for the C-PTSD that is typical among adult survivors. BPD is a set of dysfunctional -- but understandable -- coping mechanisms for untreated child abuse and resulting C-PTSD. The best psychotherapies for it are those that understand the causes resulting in and physiological conditions of a shredded autonomic nervous system no longer capable of managing their "fight-flight-freeze" response to perceived threat.
10) DBT is the current gold standard for managing the emotions and behaviors that come with BPD & complex PTSD. They can find people in their area who know how to administer it through Behavioral Tech, and even adjunct therapy workbooks like these. One can also get a lot of support from DBT Self-Help and organizations like DBT-NJ, so dig around for them online, but advise them not to try to "get well" on the cheap.
11) To truly scrape out the bottom of the bucket of C-PTSD, one can get into EMDR, SEPt, HBCT, SP4T and NARM, which are the most widely research-supported therapies for the causes of BPD and C-PTSD. In time, they may need one of more of these to clean up the lingering residues and rewire their limbic emotion regulation system.
I have myself recovered from BPD, severe anxiety, compensatory mania, suicidality and other upshots of complex PTSD by using Ogden's SP4T as the 9th of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing in the fifth stage of my recovery, as well as REBT, collegiate critical thinking, several of the CBTs including CPT and schema therapy, EMDR, DBT, MBCT, ACT, MBBT, MBSR, SEPt, HBCT, and NARM in the fourth.