I don't know if you still have an issue with your personality, or if you've gotten help for it, but I figured I'd share my story. I've got a myriad of issues going on upstairs, but my most conflicting day-to-day is my boarderline personality disorder. Part of that entails extreme emotion swings and impulsivity/addictiveness. One thing being I'd become obsessed with something, invest way too much time and money, and at the drop of a hat I'd be 100% done and over with it. Even if I'd try to convince myself to love it again, it would never work. This has included cycling, hiking, running, shopping, took up sewing once, scotch drinking, and the list goes on. Once I found out I had BPD, my psychiatrist/OT recommended DBT (dielectical behavioural therapy). Because of where I live, the nearest place that offered DBT was over a 2 hour drive, which wouldn't have worked out. Instead, my OT recommended this book . It has worked tremendously for me and a lot of other people. You have to put the work in, but it could very well work for you. The amazing thing about DBT as opposed to CBT, is that it's effective if worked on by yourself. I'm no psychiatrist, but I thought I'd give a little suggestion.
And for anyone who thinks they have no control over buying too many clothes, DBT is a potential solution.
As long as you're not a danger to yourself or others, you should remember that you haven't been diagnosed yet. Meaning that you aren't disqualified from joining the Navy. If I were you, I'd get the DBT handbook on Amazon , give myself a few months to really work on it myself, and then if I didn't improve at all, say goodbye to the Navy dream and go get a diagnosis and counseling (which will most likely just be group DPT anyway), and possibly medication if they think you need it.
But if it does help you, then join the Navy. Right now, before the diagnosis, you still have a chance. Take it. The worse that will happen (as I said, unless you're a danger to yourself or others), is that you'll join the Navy and not get better, get the diagnosis, and get a medical discharge. But if that did happen, at least you'll always know that you tried.
Maybe this is horrible advice. But as someone who has missed out on opportunities because of a diagnosis, I know how awful that feels, and I think you deserve to join the Navy.
Here's the one I have. There's a free copy floating around somewhere online. DBT was created by a psychologist who felt cognitive behavioral therapy was lacking, so she incorporated meditation and found it to be effective.
'I hate you--don't leave me' are a good place to start if you're looking for more information/self-help. I'm 30 and only starting on my BPD journey as well.
The people who give the condition its bad name are the people who make no effort to better themselves and continue pursuing their destructive impulses -- you don't have to be one of them.
You don’t need a BPD diagnosis to benefit from DBT. It’s like any other group therapy - it’s not closed off like AA or NA or something... where you must fit x criteria. My DBT group is a mixture of BPD, EDs, Depression/Anxiety, Bipolar and Addiction.
No idea where you are but I’d suggest contacting your local psych hospital/facility - they will know what’s available or where to point you. I would guess the first port of call would either be to your family doctor for a referral or a self referral to a therapist who participates in DBT.
If you can access it under health insurance or public healthcare pursue it... if it’s there then just keep chipping away to access it. Paying for DBT is expensive...the groups, individual therapy...
Alternatively there are some amazing books that cover it. They are the same skills, the same examples as in group... they’re workbooks not just boring theory encyclopedias.
Lots of people recommend the big green DBT book Nobody knows the name, it’s just the green book. Like the Bible. I’d recommend looking online - it’s floating around out there and available in various formats, I’ve seen it linked in this sub before.
I recommend picking up a copy of the DBT workbook ; it teaches the same kind of exercises you learn in DBT.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance - Google Store
If you cannot afford to purchase the book, please, visit a library to borrow this book. :)
this book doesn't solely deal with self esteem, but that is part of it. I'm still making my way through it myself and I love it, I think most people could really benefit from the skills in this book. I'm getting so much better at being in control of my emotions and how I interact with people.
I have found going through the process of DBT using this workbook helped me to define the activities that cheer me up:
Generally meditation is the thing that gets me most energized to start a new interest or hobby.
Damn, that's rough. I'm really sorry. There's a lot you can do for yourself even if a DBT program isn't available right now, though. McKay et. al.'s DBT Skills Workbook is one of my favorites, really helped me get started. And anything you can do to begin a daily mindfulness and meditation practice can go a long way towards helping you recover. It's helped me tremendously. I like guided meditations and talks on youtube by Jon Kabat-Zinn and Tara Brach.
All the best.