I found this book helpful:
Finding Hope Again - Neil Anderson
It's written by a professional counselor and former professor at a seminary. It's pretty good and helpful. Also, this book from the same author has helped me greatly - it's like an injection of comfort, hope, and peace. I have turned to this book over and over again when I am low and it never fails to pick me up:
Victory over the Darkness - Neil Anderson
> What’s hard is that I don’t know what to do.
Just an observation friend, but it appears that you're measuring your spirituality by what you do rather than by who you are. In other words, you feel that you're a good Christian on the days when you read the Bible and pray but you feel like a bad Christian on the days when you don't.
It would seem to me that the cure here is to make an internal switch into a deeper acceptance of the Gospel. When Jesus died for our sins, he freed us forever from condemnation and performance. You're just as much a child of God on the days when you don't measure up to your internal standards as on the days when you do good deeds.
If this resonates, a book I'd recommend is this: Victory over the Darkness by Neil Anderson . The message is simple and powerful - if we try to act from a mindset of, "I have to do these things so I'll be a good Christian" we will burn out. If instead we change our mindset to, "I am a child of God seated with Christ in the heavens. Jesus paid for all of my failures and He loves me very much, regardless of if I have good or bad days." - then we will change how we live simply because it's who we are.
Regardless - praying for God's wisdom and guidance for you in this hard season.
Definitely friend - what really helped me were books. One of the best books I ever read for helping me out of the pit of despair this right here:
Victory over the Darkness by Neil Anderson
This book is filled with hope to fight off the darkness. The author is a professional counselor, he was a professor in seminary, and has helped thousands of people who walked through dark hours see the hope of Christ.
Praying for you - praying that God's hope would fill you in this hard hour.