I'm sorry to hear this. You've been though hell. He sounds like a real jerk.
I think you are better off without him. I can tell this nasty breakup hurt you, and it would be surprising if it didn't hurt you. But it sounds like you have dodged a bullet. You're not married to this abuser, you don't have children or share a home. You can make a relatively clean break of it.
It is a fairly common cycle for the children of alcoholics to end up dating alcoholics as adults. It's sad how often we fall into that same trap. I have a few suggestions of things you might look into.
Al-Anon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org, /r/AlAnon (While you are technically no longer dealing with this guy, you are dealing with his dickish breakup. Plus it sounds like you've been dealing with alcoholism your entire life.)
A talk therapist or counselor. A professional listener who understands human psychology can help you deal with these things in a healthy way and avoid repeating the same patterns in the future.
I'm wishing you all the best.
by seanomenon 2017-08-19
I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's really heartbreaking even to read about it.
I do have a few thoughts of things you might look into, or consider.
AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely. (So many of us, including me, watching a parent struggle with alcoholism only to follow in their footsteps later.)
This last one is definitely easier said than done. This thought: the only person you can control is yourself. You can't control his actions, but you can control your reactions.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You might appreciate the book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
I'm sorry to hear this. You've been though hell. He sounds like a real jerk.
I think you are better off without him. I can tell this nasty breakup hurt you, and it would be surprising if it didn't hurt you. But it sounds like you have dodged a bullet. You're not married to this abuser, you don't have children or share a home. You can make a relatively clean break of it.
It is a fairly common cycle for the children of alcoholics to end up dating alcoholics as adults. It's sad how often we fall into that same trap. I have a few suggestions of things you might look into.
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Al-Anon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org, /r/AlAnon (While you are technically no longer dealing with this guy, you are dealing with his dickish breakup. Plus it sounds like you've been dealing with alcoholism your entire life.)
A talk therapist or counselor. A professional listener who understands human psychology can help you deal with these things in a healthy way and avoid repeating the same patterns in the future.
I'm wishing you all the best.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's really heartbreaking even to read about it.
I do have a few thoughts of things you might look into, or consider.
AlAnon. It is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. (Not to be confused with AA, which is for alcoholics themselves.) They can help you protect your sanity while you deal with the chaos of someone else's addiction. www.alanon.org /r/AlAnon
The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz. It was a real eye-opener for me.
Please be aware that alcoholism tends to run in families. You have a higher than average chance of being alcoholic yourself. Please be very careful with alcohol and other drugs. If you feel even the least bit compulsive about them, better to leave them alone entirely. (So many of us, including me, watching a parent struggle with alcoholism only to follow in their footsteps later.)
This last one is definitely easier said than done. This thought: the only person you can control is yourself. You can't control his actions, but you can control your reactions.
Best wishes.