Unfortunately you don’t control your sister. In all honesty no one really controls anything except how we respond. We don’t control how people view us, our emotions, and shit we don’t really even control the thoughts that pop in and out of our heads. We only control how we respond to it all. We can let are feelings and thoughts run wild or we can stop giving them all our power.
That being said we cannot own others people behavior either. People need to fuck up to learn that’s literally how learning takes place, trial and error. I have a 16 year old son. He refuses to listen to anything I have to say and thinks he already knows everything. There isn’t shit I can do about it, but hope when he falls on his face the landing isn’t concrete. You’re extremely young and your brain isn’t completely developed just yet. prospective is something that you’ll struggle with until your brain hits that final level. The same can be said of your sister. We all make mistakes and we must be allowed to in order to gain wisdom.
Take it for what it’s worth but I would suggest reading the subtle art of not giving a fuck and/or everything’s fucked both by Mark Manson. I really wish you the best
If your hesitation is because you're worried about it going wrong, you might like this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
Reminds me of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck"
Boy do I have a book for you:
So, we have an enlarged amygdala because of our thinking. Our ancestors learned to fear everything, this caused the over evolution of it. So yes evolution is environment and biological mixed, you can’t have one without the other. The first single called organisms that sensed light (from the environment), did better than those that didn’t. However if there wasn’t any light they wouldn’t have. If we as a people all started working on neocortex growth this would eventually trickle down. The biggest issues in our society are caused by our failure to evolve as quickly as our society has. We no longer have to fear lions, triggers, and bears, but our amygdala is operating on this old fear system.
However we very much can learn to chill the fuck out, and it starts with addressing our thoughts. The best way to do this is through mindfulness. I personally have in depth understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mix it with mindfulness. It work so well I wanted to learn where mindfulness originated from. This lead me to Zen. So I would recommend anything mindfulness related to start you on your path. Crazy enough you’ve already been exposed to it through some of the red pill (they are good about using wisdom from others and dressing it up like there own). Two really good books are the subtle art of not giving a fuck and everything is fucked both are by Mark Manson. He is very good at mixing eastern philosophy and psychology in a way that makes it very understandable.
You seem to view her as an extension of yourself and your own status. This is faulty logic. She (like you) are complete and whole on your own. See in life when it comes to sexual relationships we have three choices. Don’t have any experience, have an in depth experience, or have a breath of experiences. None is better or worse than another, they are just different. Choose going alone and you avoid having to ever compromise anything but you’ll always feel like an outsider on some level. Choose an in-depth experience and you lose out on variety and can get boring, but you have a real chance at true intimacy (I say chance because a lot of relationships don’t make it, because it can take 15-30 years to get there). Lastly choosing a breath lets you have a lot of experience and never gets boring, but you have no chance at true intimacy.
So for most of human history women were only allowed to choose between no experience or in-depth. This lead to a lot of suicide, early death etc. Now women are as free as men, but unfortunately not all men have evolved past women being property or just an extension of self. They can’t see that everyone is playing their own game.
I use the analogy of broad games. Everyone is playing their own board game and thinks everyone else is playing the same one. However they aren’t we are all playing different ones, and can never see others persons game. So say your playing monopoly and I am playing chess. I look over at you and get mad that your not moving your pieces like chess, your not playing by my rules. Yet how could you? Your playing a totally different game. This is the truth of everyone no matter how much you love them or how long you’ve been together. I am my husband are playing different games and that just fine as long as I respect his, and he mine.
Having multiple partners isn’t god or bad. It’s just having more partners. What I mean is do you like your girlfriend now? Because if you do you must thank all her past experiences, sexual or not. This is because we’re all just our accumulation of our past experiences. You take away any experience you change the person.
I would humbly suggest you start viewing your girlfriend as a complete person worthy of love and respect like we all our regardless of past. Also stop putting your worth in external things like status, ideas, beliefs. I am no less worthy of my husbands love because of my past. He still loves me and see me as equals because he respects my humanness. He doesn’t believe my past has any bearing on our future (because it doesn’t). He especially does not see me as an extension of himself.
Try the books they can really help.
after the last 2 episodes I started " The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"
I would recommend giving this a read: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1RMBFCYGYWLFK&keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson&qid=1558913677&s=gateway&sprefix=the+subtle+%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-3
However, most of the positivity and optimism that I've gained over the last few months was due to recovering from heartbreak. Did a lot of soul searching and introspective work to figure things out for myself (as well as seeking out therapy). So, everything I've learned has been a mixed bag. What I can say to you is that you yourself, as a person, no matter how you view yourself, how you think people may see you, are enough. More than enough. Whatever little thing you do in your day to day has impact on the world around you. You may not know it, believe it, or even be aware of it but, it has worth. Remember, every footstep always makes an impression in the ground.
I suggest you read this book:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
You look like the kind of guy I would be happy to have date my teen daughter. You appear kind and respectful. 16 sucks for just about everyone, it will get better and you will live your dreams. Just don’t give up and you’ll see- this life has a lot to offer you.
With maturity comes an ever increasing ability to not give a fuck what other people think of you. In fact, do you like to read? Check out this book:
Good luck son, you’re gonna do great. ❤️
Edit: You are certainly not a Luzer and might I suggest you make a new username so as not to reinforce that idea in your mind. You want to try to focus on positive things about yourself, not drill home the negative things your brain invents.
If you self harm because people make fun of you, you should probably get help. I can recommend this book.
I think you know the answer, but don't allow yourself to act on it. You're afraid of committing to something you don't have control over. You're afraid of negative emotions, because you don't know how to deal with them. Your plan right now is to adjust your life to avoid negative events and emotions, instead of learning how to deal with them.
Thing is, whether it's in love or something else, like losing someone to sickness or death, or losing your job, you won't be able to escape having to deal with heartbreaks.
The only way to deal with heartbreak is by experiencing it. By knowing life will go on and achievable, even if the mountain in front of you seems insurmountable.
You could see a therapist like somebody else suggested. Some self-improvement books might help you. I suggest reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.
Some advice I can give myself is to start putting things in perspective. How does something affect you in the long run? How does it affect you in a week, a year or a decade? Look at the bigger picture and things become relative. Get yourself to think everything is a moment to learn from, to shape you to be a better person.
Also, if your happiness depends on needing someone else, something is wrong. You should be happy in life regardless of being with someone. I know that's hard to achieve, but it's definitely not impossible if you keep working on it.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oNgvCbKRPADN3
I thought this was a great book!
You need to read this book:
You are not ugly, you are beautiful and unique so stop taking selfies and comparing yourself to others. Remember that when you find the right guy he is going to appreciate you in the long run and love you for your imperfections not your perfection. It will be the quirks, and the silly things you do that he will like about you. As long as you take care of yourself, i.e. you are clean, well groomed, well dressed, presentable, and you take care of your health by eating well and exercising you will be fine.
Came here to say basically this. Life does get better when you stop giving a F* about what most people think.
mark manson would be the author of that book
Link above to amazon