How to Win Friends & Influence People

Author: Dale Carnegie
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How to Win Friends & Influence People


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by jacob_the_snacob   2018-11-10

My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.

I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.

Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree. -- Trevor Miller

by CodeNewfie   2018-11-10

I'll also suggest books on Stoicism and Philosophy. However, before you jump right into the ancient/classical wisdom I'd recommend a modern introduction to introduce and help digest the principles.

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine.

Then - Move onto Marcus Aurelius , Seneca, and the rest. A great way to embrace stoic ideas daily is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday

Also, strong recommendations for:
* How to Win Friends and Influence People
* Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink

by ChannelMarkerMedia   2018-11-10

Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People (not affiliate). Then read it again. It's a classic book that's required reading at almost every business school. Most of the topics are directly applicable to your problem, but more importantly they're invaluable to other areas of life - which could indirectly improve your dates as well.

One of the key takeaways is that people are naturally self-centered. People tend to enjoy talking about themselves, so ask about them, their life, and their experiences.

Edit: turns out I own two copies of the book, so if you're in the US, I'm happy to mail you some Reddit love (aka the book).

by Razzafrachen   2018-11-10

read this book:

It has been a best-seller for 80 years

by Emil_Zola_99   2018-11-10

As I have posted before, I recommend reading “how to win friends and influence people”.

Get interests/hobbies and socialize in safe environments. Work on being an affable person and display the best of you. Good way to build the foundation for long term relationships. I have only one blind date on my track record and did not work well. Been in 5 relationships (married for 10+ years now), and all of them developed naturally by first getting to know them before romance developed. First relationship was with worldly girl who jumped on me lol :-) I knew her very well beforehand. I was 21, and growing up a JW it kick started my ability to approach women. The JW girls I was with later on were nut cases one way or the other..

Good luck & Don’t give up :-)

by Monday_FA_Monday   2018-11-10

How to win friends and influence people is a good place to start. Easy to read, short and very basic.

>your videos are so interesting man i love it


by soshwag   2018-11-10

Ok, reading this told me SOOOO much about how you speak and act around other people. I bet its not always great for them. (Not trying to shit on you, just you like "truth seeking" and all ya know?)

Always Honey over vinegar. Telling someone about a fat btchy woman you know or weak pansy men, makes you look like a fat btcy weak pansy man who is projecting.

Read this book:

It will change your life I guarantee it. If you do that and apply the newly learned social skills you gained from it you will FIT IN ANYWHERE. Best of luck man. :)

by CaptainRollerblades   2018-11-10

suggested reading

by curtains   2018-11-10

You should check out a book called Quiet. I think it will help you feel better about who you naturally are. If I'm understanding what you mean, you're simply an introvert who is young. That's not a bad thing at all. Here's a link to the book if you'd like to look into it:

I think the most important thing you need to know, assuming I've understood the situation, is just because you aren't quick or maybe as outward as others doesn't mean you're boring. You probably just need to explore who you are, which takes a lot of time, energy and thought. It's not easy, but it's a good thing to do.

Edit: another book I like is How to Win Friends and Influence People. Some people think it's antiquated but I think it's pretty timeless.