How to Win Friends & Influence People

Author: Dale Carnegie
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by Neu_Ron   2019-11-17

It's a classic for a reason. Its a social engineers handbook.

by sam_snr   2019-11-17

Game Designer of 15 years. (worked on everything From AAA console to, Small indie titles.

The most common route to get into Game Design is to get hired on as a tester and transition to Game Design ( testing teaches you alot of things that are useful in Game Design).

That's not the path I took however, Straight out of school i took a job as a junoir designer for the Gambling industry and from there transition into PC, Console video games.

To get hired you need to show experience in designing game. But how do I get that if noone will hire me? Grab a free engine, Unity/Unreal etc and make a simple game, space invaders, pac man with a twist anything. Show that you can follow through with a project,. This will show that you have at the very least a basic understanding of how to tune difficulty, damage, health etc.

What I usually look for when hiring a junior:

  • Know how to use Excel or google sheets ( you don't have to be a math wizard, but you should be able to show you can organize numbers data)

  • Show you can document rules/mechanics in a way others can understand them ( a common test is to get applicant to write out the rules to Tic-tac-toe or Checkers. The goal here is to see if you know how to explain things in the correct order, what's most important what can you leave out. Can someone who's never played read your instruction and understand how to play)

  • Learn good communication, AKA Don't bury the lead. People are impatient and you have to learn how to write using an executing summary. When explaining a mechanic noone should have to read through a whole paragraph to know what you're talking about. Think of newspapers, there is a headline that summarizes the content, and the details are below.

  • Social Skills: i know this one can be tricky, but like anything it comes with practice, go out to social events related to game dev (not with the intent of finding a job) just practice your social skills, talk to people and try to make friends. Make enough friends and when a job comes around someone may think of you.

** some good books to reference for your social skills:

  • How to Win Friends and influcence People < this one has a focus on sales, but there is alot of good general info in there as well. The gist is that people will like you better if they feel listened to, and are not impressed by you rambling on about yourself.

  • How to talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will talk <I read this when I had my first kid and was pleasantly surprised how much of it applied to my work life as well.

I could go on with more... but this is getting long

by DroptheScythe_Boys   2019-11-17

Seriously, my man- it really is that easy. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People a few times so you know it extremely well, internalize it and can follow all the instructions. Not only will you meet a lot of great people, it will help you in both your career and love life and you'll start really seeing the good in others in the world (and in your patients, which will help you take better histories and all in all be a better provider). When you become interested in others, you become interesting too and then from there build a base for real relationships.

It's a classic for a reason. GL!

by flduckhunter73   2019-11-17

I highly recommend reading two books asap:

  • How to win friends and influence people
  • 48 laws of power

These two books have both shaped me tremendously in terms of how I interact with an treat people and making those changes has only changed my life for the better both in business and personally. The first one is a more positive restore your faith in humanity type and the second is a more ruthless Machiavellian type but they both take an insightful look at people and how they influence each other. They also can both help guide you in decision making in certain situations.

Other than that, just relax, enjoy the ride, and do your best. Confidence is key.

Bonus book (nerd alert)

  • The joy of game theory
by Buddhamama50   2019-11-17

I learnt to game socialising really early on. I learnt (mechanically sometimes) how to mirror people, how to ask open ended questions, how to be charming (listen more than you talk) etc.

I put on my "doing things" armour and I pop around the shops, chatting and smiling to acquaintances, the checkout lady, the lass at the bakery and the bloke who runs the grocer. I smile when I answer the phone... I used to play a game when I worked a checkout, that if someone came up in a bad mood, that I would have them smiling by the end of their transaction. I call it "being fluffy".

I'm NOT fluffy :) Even slightly :) But you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. And the world is full of unhappiness and shitty behaviour, and I undo it where I can. Most of the time.

So the point is, you need a functioning persona who is fluffy. Learn it mechanically if you have to. You can then enjoy having a chat with your hairdresser, some random at a party, the lady next to you on the bus, the lonely old lady who comes into the shop; without it touching you, affecting you, or exhausting you.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the people I can have utterly uncensored conversations with. Both hands if I take out the woo :) I have fairly extreme Spiritual and Political opinions :)

So look at books like "How To Win Friends and Influence People" - you might think its a hokey as shit (it is :) - but read it anyway. Look at the other books Amazon recommends when you look it up The Fine Art Of Small Talk for example. Click on the ranking guides for Bestselling Conversation Guides... It just.... almost an acting class... It helps you to glide through the small, frustrating, unfulfilling conversations that make up most of your everyday life. They just wash over you, because it is an alter ego dealing with them, not you.

If you come across someone with a bit more spark in them, drop something a bit deeper, a bit meatier. Look for events like "Philosophy in the Pub" or Poetry readings where you're more likely to meet deep and meaningful people :)

I have "tells". I talk about angels (everybody loves angels), Extinction Rebellion, Regeneration 2040, that we're in a Mercury retrograde, that my husband had to salt his office door against an HR troll... I'm looking for witchy marxists, basically :) :)

But ONE of these things, not all of them. If I get a snort, or disquiet, or even a blank look I back right off. But every now and then, someone goes "Yeah really messy against this background eclipse season and with Neptune squaring Jupiter" and I know I've hit a tribe member :)

Think of the things you love having deep conversations about, and build "lures" to drop into conversations. That way, when someone responds positively, you'll have found someone that you can build a more intimate rapport with.

I find with people I can actually talk to, I find ways to see them more often :) I've just found out that one of my bellydancing friends is really into tarot. I'm already plotting some sort of event I can invite her to :) Possibly a Storytelling event by candlelight, or a Sound Healing. You'll know these people when you hit them !! Find some way of staying in touch !

Well that's my 2000 words for the day :) I hope I haven't talked your ear off and that some of it is useful !

by Spawnbroker   2019-11-17

I'm really interested in what you said about not being able to communicate with your team leads. Can you expand on that for us? What specifically makes it hard for you to communicate with them?

I ask this only because...there's an activity I participated in during high school and college that I believe is responsible for most of my salary growth over my career. Know what it is? Speech and Debate.

Being able to communicate with anyone effectively is an incredibly valuable skill that you should work on. And I think you are correct that it's harming your career not to be able to do that.

As an initial recommendation, the book How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that will get you started.

Some people like Toast Masters, but that's specifically about public speaking, and I'm not a fan. I'm talking about learning how to effectively communicate with anyone, no matter who they are.

by dilippkumar   2019-08-27
The absolute best advice I’ve ever read comes from the book: How to win friends and influence people [0]

The title is dorky, and suggests a topic that’s completely unrelated to OPs original question. But the answers are in there, written brilliantly, and is especially effective for people who like to

>> ...launch into a logical argument with them right there and then.

Personally, that book changed how I’ve approached such situations dramatically. I can not recommend this book strongly enough.


by _PageMaster_   2019-08-24

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Go out and make friends, go to local events etc. No need for magic for this.

by animalcub   2019-08-24

Remember their name, ask questions about their interests, and talk about their interests.

by _PageMaster_   2019-08-24

How to Win Friends and Influence People

by CarsonTires   2019-07-21

As time passes, friends start to drift due to work / their newly founded families. Awesome-close-friends will always be there. Don't waste your time on people like that. He's frankly not worth your time. If you want to make friends easier. I'd suggest this book my mentor told me to read:


Back to the car topic: Assuming you're in your 20s. My personal opinion is go for the S2000, Golf R, 370Z, BRZ, STI or a Civic Type R (Track ready cars). Only upgrade the brake fluid (e.g. RBF 600). Spend the money on track school. If you can't shake this friend, then take him to a lapping day. You'll probably out pace him at that point. I've the Golf R (S3, clone) - the car understeers in the corners, can't push that hard in the corners. I'm pretty sure I'm faster in the S2000 than I am in the Golf R.


Assuming you're in your 20s, get a car you can't get in your 30s. I'd suggest a 2-seater, or 2-door coupe, such as S2000, Miata, BRZ, 370Z.


TL;DR: Focus on what you want for yourself, and not someone that is not worth your time.

by nutrecht   2019-07-21;keywords=influence&amp;qid=1555594200&amp;s=books&amp;sprefix=influence%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C199&amp;sr=1-1

A few I enjoyed

by Shadilay_Were_Off   2019-07-21


You just descried me and quite a few other teens when we were that age. Divergent interests are a thing, and you're absolutely not an asshole for the reasons of:

  1. You take great pains to not make the other parties feel uncomfortable

  2. You actually have the self consciousness to ask a question like this in the first place.

The judgment aside, it sounds like you're more introverted, and your friends/acquaintances are more extroverted. There's nothing wrong with this - it's your personality and developed over time. Extroverts tend to enjoy communication with others more, even if that communication is phatic or not substantial or meaningful. Just socializing. Being with others. The fact that they're doing this with you means that they probably enjoy having you around.

Small talk is a skill that can be learned, it just comes more naturally to some people rather than others. Killing off that anxiety will probably help more than anything. If I were in your position, I'd get a copy of How to win friends and influence people and take the advice it gives to heart - the book is a classic for a reason.

Also look up Toastmasters and see if they have a chapter near you - it's a training group for public speaking. Both of these will go a great way to dispelling that anxious feeling.

Good luck!

by RedOculas   2019-07-21

by BKCowGod   2019-07-21

But apparently you do need some Carnegie

How to Win Friends & Influence People

by WorkedInTheory   2019-07-21

Under most circumstances, I would suggest for someone to march anywhere, no matter what.

But reading a bit of your posts, I would suggest that you might want to take the summer off to instead practice, work out, take a dance class, and read.



This is not intended as snark, but a genuine suggestion if your goal is to make a top corps. It takes more than just finances and ability to play... it is also about "plays well with others".

by Nederlander1   2019-07-21

How to Win Friends & Influence People

by broothal   2019-07-21

That's what How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie is all about.

by LycanthropicGrape   2019-07-21

Do I have a story for y'all! Okay so I can't answer directly to the "Steps to Success" which i'm assuming you're referring to the "67 Steps" program. I did however purchase two programs from him which were "SMMA" (social media marketing agency), and "How to make money online", it's an older program that's not even listed on the page anymore.

So if you're wondering if Tai Lopez is a scam artist, it depends on your definition of a scam. He doesn't just take your money and not give you anything. He gives you a auto-generated login to his website where you can access a series of video lessons according to what you bought. Now for the "SMMA" and "How to make money online" programs the information IS actually valuable if you've never come across that information before... however, i would say 90% of the information is out there on the internet for free in youtube videos and in books worth $15-30 on Amazon.

Tai Lopez is also not the only person in the lessons. He has this philosophy of finding "Mentors", essentially people with more experience to learn from. From the programs I bought, Tai just speaks in a few videos and the rest are taught by actual people working in the field they say they are, the instructors (mentors) give you their social media handles to search for them yourself and ask questions or simply follow them. Now granted, some "mentors" are awesome and give you theory and practical knowledge, and other mentors are pretty shitty and they give half-assed practical lessons that leave you googling for the rest of the information.

Is it worth the money? Well that depends too. I dropped out of community college and took these programs, which cost less than a semester's worth of tuition. If you see it in that context then yes it's worth it. These programs taught me way more valuable information in my opinion than learning that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell for the 15th time. But like I said earlier, most of this information is out there for free or in really cheap books! What you're paying a few hundred dollars for is all this free information being packaged up in an easy-to-absorb, easy-to-follow video series.

Will you get rich quick? Not likely! While the information is very useful, I will agree that Tai makes it look simple but having run a social media marketing agency according to Tai's program, I can say that a lot of work has to go into it. You need to develop a lot of charisma to talk to people and influence them to take you on as their marketing agency. Plus the program only talks about the marketing aspects, thankfully I worked as a video and graphics creator prior to this so I could fulfill all of the creative responsibilities of a social media marketing agency. I assume those who bought the SMMA course with no knowledge of Photoshop, Design, and Video Editing must have been thrown for a big struggle. Tai's advice for those with no design or video skills is... to outsource it with fiverr and upwork, which in my opinion is a horrible idea that would only work for a few lucky/smart people that already have some money upfront to pay freelancers.

Also about the whole fancy cars in his videos... Yes he rents them, but to be honest, that's what most rich people do. Think about it. To be rich, you must control expenses, otherwise you would be a millionaire living from paycheck to paycheck. So if he were to just be buying all these cars cash, he would loose so much money to depreciating assets. If you lease cars, the monthly payment is relatively low and the cars are always upgraded to newer models at the end of the lease. Also because he uses the cars in his marketing videos, those cars are a business expense, thus a deductible if he leases the cars through a business entity, which again most rich people do this. So he's not a scam for leasing fancy cars, he's financially savy for leasing fancy cars. FYI rich people do this with houses and apartments too (source: My lawyer advised me about this).

So if you're willing to cough up what Tai's asking for the program you asked, then sure. It will probably be easier than sourcing all the information yourself from many books and hours of videos for free on the internet. However, if you're struggling financially, my advice is just youtube & google what you want to learn. If you're low on fund but want to improve your situation at work or in relationships, i highly recommend reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It gives you very simple, practical, and actionable advice on how to speak to people in a way that can get you on better terms with your boss to potentially increase your salary and climb to corporate ladder. If you wish to be an business owner, the book also helps you with selling by simply learning how to talk to people. The paperback is very cheap on amazon. Its a little less than $10 as of writing this post.