How to Win Friends & Influence People

Author: Dale Carnegie
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by dilippkumar   2019-08-27
The absolute best advice I’ve ever read comes from the book: How to win friends and influence people [0]

The title is dorky, and suggests a topic that’s completely unrelated to OPs original question. But the answers are in there, written brilliantly, and is especially effective for people who like to

>> ...launch into a logical argument with them right there and then.

Personally, that book changed how I’ve approached such situations dramatically. I can not recommend this book strongly enough.


by _PageMaster_   2019-08-24

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Go out and make friends, go to local events etc. No need for magic for this.

by animalcub   2019-08-24

Remember their name, ask questions about their interests, and talk about their interests.

by _PageMaster_   2019-08-24

How to Win Friends and Influence People

by CarsonTires   2019-07-21

As time passes, friends start to drift due to work / their newly founded families. Awesome-close-friends will always be there. Don't waste your time on people like that. He's frankly not worth your time. If you want to make friends easier. I'd suggest this book my mentor told me to read:


Back to the car topic: Assuming you're in your 20s. My personal opinion is go for the S2000, Golf R, 370Z, BRZ, STI or a Civic Type R (Track ready cars). Only upgrade the brake fluid (e.g. RBF 600). Spend the money on track school. If you can't shake this friend, then take him to a lapping day. You'll probably out pace him at that point. I've the Golf R (S3, clone) - the car understeers in the corners, can't push that hard in the corners. I'm pretty sure I'm faster in the S2000 than I am in the Golf R.


Assuming you're in your 20s, get a car you can't get in your 30s. I'd suggest a 2-seater, or 2-door coupe, such as S2000, Miata, BRZ, 370Z.


TL;DR: Focus on what you want for yourself, and not someone that is not worth your time.

by nutrecht   2019-07-21

A few I enjoyed

by Shadilay_Were_Off   2019-07-21


You just descried me and quite a few other teens when we were that age. Divergent interests are a thing, and you're absolutely not an asshole for the reasons of:

  1. You take great pains to not make the other parties feel uncomfortable

  2. You actually have the self consciousness to ask a question like this in the first place.

The judgment aside, it sounds like you're more introverted, and your friends/acquaintances are more extroverted. There's nothing wrong with this - it's your personality and developed over time. Extroverts tend to enjoy communication with others more, even if that communication is phatic or not substantial or meaningful. Just socializing. Being with others. The fact that they're doing this with you means that they probably enjoy having you around.

Small talk is a skill that can be learned, it just comes more naturally to some people rather than others. Killing off that anxiety will probably help more than anything. If I were in your position, I'd get a copy of How to win friends and influence people and take the advice it gives to heart - the book is a classic for a reason.

Also look up Toastmasters and see if they have a chapter near you - it's a training group for public speaking. Both of these will go a great way to dispelling that anxious feeling.

Good luck!

by RedOculas   2019-07-21

by BKCowGod   2019-07-21

But apparently you do need some Carnegie

How to Win Friends & Influence People

by WorkedInTheory   2019-07-21

Under most circumstances, I would suggest for someone to march anywhere, no matter what.

But reading a bit of your posts, I would suggest that you might want to take the summer off to instead practice, work out, take a dance class, and read.



This is not intended as snark, but a genuine suggestion if your goal is to make a top corps. It takes more than just finances and ability to play... it is also about "plays well with others".

by Nederlander1   2019-07-21

How to Win Friends & Influence People

by broothal   2019-07-21

That's what How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie is all about.

by LycanthropicGrape   2019-07-21

Do I have a story for y'all! Okay so I can't answer directly to the "Steps to Success" which i'm assuming you're referring to the "67 Steps" program. I did however purchase two programs from him which were "SMMA" (social media marketing agency), and "How to make money online", it's an older program that's not even listed on the page anymore.

So if you're wondering if Tai Lopez is a scam artist, it depends on your definition of a scam. He doesn't just take your money and not give you anything. He gives you a auto-generated login to his website where you can access a series of video lessons according to what you bought. Now for the "SMMA" and "How to make money online" programs the information IS actually valuable if you've never come across that information before... however, i would say 90% of the information is out there on the internet for free in youtube videos and in books worth $15-30 on Amazon.

Tai Lopez is also not the only person in the lessons. He has this philosophy of finding "Mentors", essentially people with more experience to learn from. From the programs I bought, Tai just speaks in a few videos and the rest are taught by actual people working in the field they say they are, the instructors (mentors) give you their social media handles to search for them yourself and ask questions or simply follow them. Now granted, some "mentors" are awesome and give you theory and practical knowledge, and other mentors are pretty shitty and they give half-assed practical lessons that leave you googling for the rest of the information.

Is it worth the money? Well that depends too. I dropped out of community college and took these programs, which cost less than a semester's worth of tuition. If you see it in that context then yes it's worth it. These programs taught me way more valuable information in my opinion than learning that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell for the 15th time. But like I said earlier, most of this information is out there for free or in really cheap books! What you're paying a few hundred dollars for is all this free information being packaged up in an easy-to-absorb, easy-to-follow video series.

Will you get rich quick? Not likely! While the information is very useful, I will agree that Tai makes it look simple but having run a social media marketing agency according to Tai's program, I can say that a lot of work has to go into it. You need to develop a lot of charisma to talk to people and influence them to take you on as their marketing agency. Plus the program only talks about the marketing aspects, thankfully I worked as a video and graphics creator prior to this so I could fulfill all of the creative responsibilities of a social media marketing agency. I assume those who bought the SMMA course with no knowledge of Photoshop, Design, and Video Editing must have been thrown for a big struggle. Tai's advice for those with no design or video skills is... to outsource it with fiverr and upwork, which in my opinion is a horrible idea that would only work for a few lucky/smart people that already have some money upfront to pay freelancers.

Also about the whole fancy cars in his videos... Yes he rents them, but to be honest, that's what most rich people do. Think about it. To be rich, you must control expenses, otherwise you would be a millionaire living from paycheck to paycheck. So if he were to just be buying all these cars cash, he would loose so much money to depreciating assets. If you lease cars, the monthly payment is relatively low and the cars are always upgraded to newer models at the end of the lease. Also because he uses the cars in his marketing videos, those cars are a business expense, thus a deductible if he leases the cars through a business entity, which again most rich people do this. So he's not a scam for leasing fancy cars, he's financially savy for leasing fancy cars. FYI rich people do this with houses and apartments too (source: My lawyer advised me about this).

So if you're willing to cough up what Tai's asking for the program you asked, then sure. It will probably be easier than sourcing all the information yourself from many books and hours of videos for free on the internet. However, if you're struggling financially, my advice is just youtube & google what you want to learn. If you're low on fund but want to improve your situation at work or in relationships, i highly recommend reading "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It gives you very simple, practical, and actionable advice on how to speak to people in a way that can get you on better terms with your boss to potentially increase your salary and climb to corporate ladder. If you wish to be an business owner, the book also helps you with selling by simply learning how to talk to people. The paperback is very cheap on amazon. Its a little less than $10 as of writing this post.

by raoulduke25   2019-01-13

Not joking.

by anon194029   2019-01-13

Funny - I went through a similar transition when I was only a year or two younger than you.

What you need is a goal outside of your relationship - a driving force for yourself and your career, dreams about what kind of kickass life you want to be living, ideas on where you want to travel and live, and plans to make those things happen. You need to be fearless about deciding what you want in life, and all the assertiveness, confidence, and self-reliance that are inherent in womanhood will come as a result of that.

You need to think long and hard about what you want out of life, and then decide to make it happen. Nothing is too grandiose - do you want to live in the South of France? It can happen. Do you want to eventually own your own company? It can happen. The luxury of your age is that you have time to make these things happen.

To me, being a "woman" means you don't give a shit what other people think about you because you've got your goals and desires figures out (but you are still kind and polite). It means that you're life isn't dictated by fear - and it means that you are self-reliant. Therefore, any man, any career choice, any group of friends that comes into your life is evaluated by you according to whether it brings good or bad to the table for you. You don't settle for anything out of convenience.

It comes down to assertiveness, confidence, and a willingness to shamelessly ask for what you want. You already sound intelligent, you just need to learn to be stronger; with strength, you gain sex appeal. Lots of it. All of a sudden, you're a hot item, because you need to be won, you don't seem to just settle for whatever comes your way.

Know your value, know your worth. I can guarantee you it's much higher than you think right now.

Regarding your partner: if you want to still be with him, do so, but it would be a red flag for me if I hadn't had sex for months with my BF - especially at 25. Why spin your wheels at your age with someone who isn't setting you on fire with excitement? I'll tell you why: because you're afraid to leave him.

Don't live your life out of fear. Ever. Dive in full-on, take risks, and push yourself to keep growing.

Read this ridiculous book: Why Men Love B*****s - just get it! It's great, it summarizes the idea of being kind, but also prioritizing yourself first.

Read and complete the exercises in this book: The Assertiveness Workbook - a wonderful, scientifically backed-up personal course in being more assertive.

Read this great book: The Defining Decade

Get better at socializing: How to Win Friends and Influence People

In terms of motivational books to figure out what you want to do with your life? Jesus - there's too many good ones out there. Google any list of "top motivational books", "books about planning life" etc. To start - the books Willpower and Grit were useful for me.

Additionally, there's Brene Brown for a softer approach to finding what you're about as a human being. Braving the Wilderness is a great pick - and for something a bit more direct, read Unfu*k Yourself .

This is going to sound nuts, but read all of these. If you play videogames, stop. If you spend too much time on reddit, stop. Read to pass your time now, and keep growing. These books will help you learn to be strong, sexy, and give you control over your life.

by dbg31415   2019-01-07
Fundamentally being a manager is been more about building relationships than code. It's a very different role than a software developer, which generally has a tangible output.

You will likely need to beef up communication skills. Get better at writing short but punchy emails, writing actionable meeting notes, know how to build PowerPoint decks that tell a good story, and can talk confidently in front of a crowd. Communication skills will help you further your agenda by getting others, especially non-technical folks, to align with you.

You need to focus more on your reputation in the company. This means being visible to other teams, taking as many opportunities as you can to meet new people in your organization, and ensuring that you get credited for the wins you bring about. (It also helps to just be more presentable, take this as an opportunity to class up your wardrobe. "Treat every day like it's a potential first date and you'll be fine," was the advice I got with my first manager position -- it was more criticism for wearing shorts and a soccer jersey like I had when I was a dev.)

You need to figure out who your key stakeholders are (it's not always as clear as just following your org chart), and understand the priorities of your company. Actively trying to understand other departments' KPIs will go a long way.

You need to figure out how to work with the people on your team. Determine who the high performers are, what they want, and how to keep them happy. Also have a game plan for correcting behavior you don't like.

If your company offers training in negotiation, even if you can grab some time with a successful sales person, try and take them up on that. Your ability to hire talent, give performance reviews, and haggling over scope with other teams will all benefit.

As a manager you'll likely have a bit more stress as you're acting as a shit shield for your team, and are ultimately on the hook for delivering a lot more. Finding ways to de-stress are key. Make sure you have a good gym routine, set up time to regularly speak with your shrink or career coach, and make sure you're taking the time to do whatever it is you need to do to stay healthy and energized.

This is far from a complete list, but here are 3 books that I think are good books I'd recommend for anyone moving into a leadership role.

* The First 90 Days: Proven Strategies for Getting Up to Speed Faster and Smarter, Updated and Expanded: Michael D. Watkins: 8601200550153: Books ||

* What They Teach You at Harvard Business School: My Two Years Inside the Cauldron of Capitalism: By (author) Philip Delves Broughton: 9780141046488: Books ||

* How to Win Friends & Influence People: Dale Carnegie: 8937485909400: Books ||

by jacob_the_snacob   2018-11-10

My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.

I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.

Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree. -- Trevor Miller

by CodeNewfie   2018-11-10

I'll also suggest books on Stoicism and Philosophy. However, before you jump right into the ancient/classical wisdom I'd recommend a modern introduction to introduce and help digest the principles.

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William Irvine.

Then - Move onto Marcus Aurelius , Seneca, and the rest. A great way to embrace stoic ideas daily is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday

Also, strong recommendations for:
* How to Win Friends and Influence People
Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink

by ChannelMarkerMedia   2018-11-10

Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People (not affiliate). Then read it again. It's a classic book that's required reading at almost every business school. Most of the topics are directly applicable to your problem, but more importantly they're invaluable to other areas of life - which could indirectly improve your dates as well.

One of the key takeaways is that people are naturally self-centered. People tend to enjoy talking about themselves, so ask about them, their life, and their experiences.

Edit: turns out I own two copies of the book, so if you're in the US, I'm happy to mail you some Reddit love (aka the book).