King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine

Category: Psychology
Author: Douglas Gillette, Visit Amazon's Douglas Gillette Pagesearch resultsLearn about Author CentralDouglas Gillette
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by btwn2stools   2019-07-21

Better off reading this book

by fuckthatpony   2019-07-21

Lots to unpack here! I think you've done an excellent job of listing all the things that are contributing. With this list, it is no surprise that sex is suffering. Sex/intimacy can often be an early indicator (canary in the coal mine) that something is wrong.

It really feels like you both need some help with body, mind, and soul. I could post what I use, but that's a novel.

I know that when finances are rough, it effects everything and makes everything much harder. Maybe you can both work as partners to address this as the highest priority--with the statement that you will work on more than one thing, but bills gotta get paid.

The other part of this is that we all need a purpose. Can he get a $15/hr job and really work on showing up and keeping that job? It can have a massive mental boost.

35? I highly suggest that you put whatever you were in the the past. It doesn't matter if you were HL or if he was. Our bodies change, our responsibilities change, and our New Relationship Energy for our partner goes away. We're left with having to figure out how to be real adults and actualize our best self, and figure out how to long term couple.

I recommend (a lot) a few experts to watch and read up on. One might have a voice that speaks best to you. None of these links are long, but they all can make it clear that it is not hopeless, and what you are going through is common.

I'm very optimistic because of the positive changes I've experienced. I'm happy to discuss more if needed.


  • On what marriage really is.
  • On how our view of sex is often wrong. This and This.
  • On women's sex issues particularly.
  • On him growing into an actual adult. This book can be a bit hard to understand, so here is a pretty good overview of the concepts....which should resonate with you as what you want from him
by ExOttoyuhr   2018-11-10

Constitutional. Chad's just going to catch a dozen STDs and die in a bar fight before he's 30, like the Bourbons did.

I'd be happiest with a system that was close to the US, but with a king instead of a president and a bit more decentralization of power. But I think that even a crowned republic is better than an uncrowned one; Jung believed implicitly , Lewis explicitly, that a country is happiest with a king.

by seifd   2018-11-10

If those archetypes interested you, I'd suggest checking out the book the video was probably based on.

Anyway, I think your choice of classes is pretty much spot on. I'd add that for the wizard, you'll want to specialize in transmutation.

The only problem is that the archetypes are meant to be cumulative. The fully actualized man is a warrior, a lover, a magician and a king, like the ending of that popular John Hughes movie.

by Wolvenfire86   2018-11-10

Oh god, where do I start!? That is such a loaded question, lol. I mean, it's hard to answer cause everyone's station is a little different.

I guess the most important thing is to invest in Love. For your fellow man and yourself. All people have a need to express their appreciation for others, but most men never do it until they are dating someone. That's not right. You should be open with your friends (the family you chose). If I die right now, it would break my friends hearts and I know it will...because they told me so. I told them I love them too. Drunk, lol, but I told them. Spend nights drinking with good friends, and often. Especially in your early 20's when you still can. Don't look for girls on these nights. Just have fun. Talk about stupid ideas. Curse. Get lost. Eat at a place you'd never been to. Throw rocks in a lake and talk about anything.

Remember this: men bond shoulder to shoulder. That means we make friends when we DO things. You gotta go out with your buddies. Paintball, drinking, festivals, parties, hell fight club idk. But go out with them.

With that said, never let a women tell you what it means to be a man. They don't know. They never will. And neither will we know what it's like to be a women, so we should also not tell them how to act/feel. But your masculinity is very real, and it matters. Pruning\e through the toxic shit requires some real deep digging. But it's worth it.

Listen to dad more. And grandpa (especially). And the guy who is a few years older than you who is where you want to be. Advice is flattering to a lot of men; don't be afraid to ask for it. If they're bad role models, then you'll know what not to do.

I also suggest this book.